~Forgive a Cheating Spouse??~
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~Forgive a Cheating Spouse??~
| Fri, 05-27-2005 - 7:58pm |
Would you or could you possibly forgive a cheating spouse? Why or why not??
Is there hope after infidelity?
Do you think SAHM's are more likely to forgive a cheating husband then WOHM's due to financial dependence/independence?
~Jenn

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<<Even in divorce, it's the divorce that hurt the kids, not the cheating. >>
I disagree. I have a friend who's parents divorced over cheating. She didn't know that was why and was hurt by the divorce. YEARS later she found out about the cheating and went through a whole new world of hurt ... partially because she felt left out and untrusted and partially because she had such faith in her father and it hurt to find out he was a liar and a cheater. I would be hurt even now, at 34 when my dad is 58, if my dad cheated. I would be disappointed in him. It would mean he isn't the man I think he is. it would affect my relationshpi with him, even if my parents didn't divorce.
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
I realize my situation won't apply to everyone else, but just to give you a different perspective I'll share my experience.
My parents divorced after my father had an affair.
Does the link have to be direct in order for there to be hurt?
In my case, I didnt want a divorce, even though i wasnt "in love" with him anymore, but preferred to go to counseling, and perhaps learn new methods of approach to improve the marriage, as we dont hate each other. stbxh things counseling is a lot of crap and wasnt interested. felt divorce was inevitable and i was not willing to stay with someone who didnt want me anymore, for whatever reason. he was raised with all these old fashioned ideas, and is stuck with them, ie: counseling is a waste of money. i was raised with certain ideas, and realize i have the option to analyze and determine my own viewpoints. there are a lot of things i dont agree with as far as what i was raised to believe, and am comfortable establishing my own opinions. stbxh is true blue to the core, and if his mom says its one way, by God, thats how it is. BLECH!!!
i once asked stbxh if he believes everything his church teaches, and he said yes. i asked why and he said, because that is what i was taught. i was taught certain things as well in my church, but i have my own opinions about things that dont necessarily coincide with what the "church" says.
im looking forward to being *me* again. and you can probably see why.
You know, now you are dealing my skeletons. A year ago, I would have firmly said my father ruined my family's life and effected mine negatively by cheating. Now, I realize there are no true victims in a marriage. I have no idea if it was his first affair or just his most blantant.
I did not mention this but my sister and I were the ones that discovered him with the other woman. I was not shielded at all and it really stripped me of any respect I had for him. Today, when I hear him tell me to go to church, I still think, "You are an adulterer. Don't tell me about church." My sister and I had a rip roaring fight this summer over her not letting her children hang out with children of gay couples. She said it was against the Bible. I asked her why she let them around Dad since he was such a sinner--and cheating is mentioned in the 10 commandments. Homosexuality is not. It opened a wound we both did not want opened. And we both cried.
So, his cheating hurt me directly. It stripped my innocence away. I never saw him as invincible again. I never saw him as a figure of authority. I saw he had clay feet.
The divorce, as I said, was a relief.
"Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction."
Advice on greeting your DH from Housekeeping Monthly (1955)
&nbs
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
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