~Forgive a Cheating Spouse??~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2005
~Forgive a Cheating Spouse??~
867
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 7:58pm

Would you or could you possibly forgive a cheating spouse? Why or why not??

Is there hope after infidelity?

Do you think SAHM's are more likely to forgive a cheating husband then WOHM's due to financial dependence/independence?

~Jenn

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 5:23pm
I didnt miss your point at all. <<>> but i think im a different breed as my points on issues are *always* missed, distorted, misconstrued, etc. that is why i try not to post much when it comes to some of these issues. its in vain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 5:23pm

When I tried to trash my father or ask questions, my mother would direct me to him. Ask him your questions, Kristi. Talk to him about your anger, Kristi.


She was careful not to trash him around me and tell me I should respect him since he was my father.

"Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction."


Advice on greeting your DH from Housekeeping Monthly (1955)









"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 5:24pm
So I'll ask you the same question I just asked Hollie: how do we present a cheating, at-fault parent to his or her kids? Especially young kids? As a loving parent with problems and issues? As an idiot? As a betrayer? What is best for the kids wrt this? Present the unvarnished truth and villainize that parent forever? Sugar coat and withhold, and risk the betrayal you experienced? Hope to God I never find out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 5:25pm

<<Would either of you have even told your parents about the affair if you had decided to stay together?

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 5:26pm

My situation also made me realize my father had clay feet. . .he wasn't the demi-god I'd seen him as.


That experience also made it imperative for ME to let my children understand, as much as they can, that I am imperfect.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 5:26pm
Of course not. But the thread is all about rank ordering betrayals, marriage problems, levels of pain. KB is of the opinion that cheating is unforgivable. I beg to differ. I'm not sure what else, if anything, she considers unforgivable. So now we're on to the effects on kids. Might as well rank order them, too. I'm getting the shakes over here just thinking about it, to tell you the truth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 5:27pm

I try, very hard, to treat it factually with no emotion involved. It is tough. I call him a$$hole adn butthead and all sorts of names in secret, but never to my kids. I try to speak about him to them only in terms of his relationship to them, not in terms of his relationship to me.


It is a very thorny issue.



Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 5:29pm
Now, see, I have never had the problem of appearing too perfect for the kids. Zak has known since birth that I was imperfect.

"Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction."


Advice on greeting your DH from Housekeeping Monthly (1955)









"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 5:29pm

I think my last response to Kristi also addresses your question, but without a doubt. . .as a loving parent who has their own issues and has made mistakes.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 5:29pm
OMG, how do we ever decide to marry and have kids ourselves?

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