~Forgive a Cheating Spouse??~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2005
~Forgive a Cheating Spouse??~
867
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 7:58pm

Would you or could you possibly forgive a cheating spouse? Why or why not??

Is there hope after infidelity?

Do you think SAHM's are more likely to forgive a cheating husband then WOHM's due to financial dependence/independence?

~Jenn

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 6:41pm
Wow. It sounds so obvious and clear to tell, but it still seems really hard to live out day to day. Although, I would think having a caring stepfather makes a huge difference in the life of a child of divorce. They're lucky to have all three of you. Possibly four, if xdh's SO has her head on straight at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 6:47pm
Oooh. Now you've just gone and made me more likely to commit an act of adultery. ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 6:51pm
Oh, yeah, the Debate Board Defense!
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 6:59pm
wow that was one of the most vulgar nasty posts I've read in a while. Was that *really* called for?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 7:19pm

<>

How could it possibly hurt the kids if the other spouse doesn't care? Why would the kids even know about it? How do you know there's another spouse, and how do you know that that spouse cares about infidelity the way you and I do? What if nobody really is hurt?

Yes, you most certainly did imply that you were hurt by SM's opinion. You complained about it, compared it to apologizing for rape to a rape victim, and sighed and whined when your silly analogies were noticed. You very much played the injured party.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 7:23pm

I said that adultery is the breaking of an agreement between two people. If they don't *have* a fidelity agreement in the first place, then no one is hurt. I'm sure you'll go back and quote every last thing I said over the past few days and point out one instance where I forgot that disclaimer. But it's obvious I'm talking about adultery not causing hurt when, um, it doesn't. That's been my point the entire time.

But go ahead. Sigh like a 120-year-old woman with osteoporosis and then shuffle off to find the incriminating quote.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 7:41pm
I completley agree with you. I had suspected my husband of cheating for awhile and when I found him out with another woman I called it quits. I found out on a Friday and on Monday morning I found a lawyer and filed for a divorce. Even though we have two kids together I have never regret it for a moment. Kids can handle change if given the proper tools. I knew I would never be able to forget it or forgive him. Life is too short. Yes at first it was hard I had to move into a smaller house and not do all the extra traveling every month but I made do. It was an adjustment but we all made it!! And now my kids and I are very happy and well adjusted!! There is life after a divorce!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 8:07pm
Just can't wait for our next visit...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 9:07pm

No. I'm open to other ideas. I have yet to have mine shot down other than by people saying it's not always that way but they don't come up with scenarios that disprove what I've said.

I have given my reasons for thinking the way I do. A cheating spouse is untrustworthy. A cheating spouse does not consider his spouse (disrespect). A cheating spouse doesn't care who he hurts (evindenced by risks taken with his family's health).

Why do you think a cheating spouse is trustworthy? Why do you think cheating is not inconsiderate of your spouse? Why do you think it's ok to take health risks with your family without so much as their consent?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 9:12pm
If a man loves you and is committed to you.. he will not cheat on you. If he does, it's time to begin a new life without him. This may mean that you have to wait to take that step until you can build up the resources to do so. I mean... you have to be able to feed your children. Remember this... once a cheat... always a cheat. If not by his actions... then in your mind. It's hard to trust someone that has broken the most solemn of vows. You have to love yourself first and foremost and if you do... you won't allow yourself to be violated by the one person you should be able to count on 'til death do you part. That's what marriage is about... loving, honoring and cherishing. How many people choose to forget that? The answer.. too many! I wish all of you that are going through this, are concerned about it... the best. God bless and see you through these trying times.

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