~Forgive a Cheating Spouse??~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2005
~Forgive a Cheating Spouse??~
867
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 7:58pm

Would you or could you possibly forgive a cheating spouse? Why or why not??

Is there hope after infidelity?

Do you think SAHM's are more likely to forgive a cheating husband then WOHM's due to financial dependence/independence?

~Jenn

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 9:12pm

If only all of life were that simple.

Yes, I do think we are bound to our family and responsible for them whereas I am married by choice. However, you have this wrong.

In the case of parents we were talking about mentally ill parents. When a family member is ill, yes, you take care of them. People are not responsible for their illnesses.

With regard to husbands, we're talking about choosing to have an affair, not an illness (and no I don't excuse sexual addiction as a disease because you can control it). People are responsible for their choices.

You are comparing someone who is ill and unable to make rational choices to someone who makes poor choices. Not the same at all. Not even close.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 9:13pm

First off, you used the phrase "a cheating spouse" meaning one who is STILL cheating.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 9:17pm

No shock there. However, all people seem to be saying is they don't agree. They dont' say why they don't agree.

So, why is adultery ok? How many times must it be forgiven? 1, 2, 8? Why is it ok to have an untrustworthy spouse?

Peole saying they don't like my opinion isn't debate. Debate is when you disprove your oponents stance. Disprove mine.

I say someone who commits adultery is untrustworthy because they broke their vows. If someone will break a vow taken before God, what can you believe of what they say? I say adultery shows disrespect for your spouse and that it shows a lack of caring in that you will take physical risks with your spouse in order to keep from confessing.

Disprove my points.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 9:20pm

Some mental illnesses (acute and chronic) involve self-destructive behavior or impulse control problems. . .and I'm not referring to sex addiction, though I don't see why that is any less of an illness than alcoholism or other addictions.


Why shouldn't spouses

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 9:22pm

In one case, both marriages were in the church. The reason given for the divorce was adultery. I'm not sure of the other but the second marriage is recognized by the chuch. These were long term marriages so I don't think they could have been annuled. Annullment says the marriage never took place. That kind of creates problems for the children born of that union.

However, divorce and remarriage after your spouse committed adultery is biblical.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 9:24pm

Not at all, lol. Because unmarried people who fool around KNOW that anything goes. Married people rightfully assume there is NO risk.

I'd never kid myself into thinking that I know the sexual history of someone I picked up in a bar but I do think I know my husbands sexual history. It's supposed to be just with me since our marriage. If I wanted to take risks, I'd go pick someone up in a bar. One fo the advantages of a monogamous relationship is supposed to be you don't have to worry about these things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 9:26pm
I never said you only trust people who you are married to. I trusted my ex fiancee. As relationships build trust builds. Sometimes it is misplaced trust.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 9:28pm
What about their situation warranted it? Exactly what scenario are you arguing that couples are supposed to stay together in spite of the affair?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 9:30pm
Was what called for. I simply said that just because stuff happens you don't have to spread your legs and you don't. I've had lots of stuff happen but stuff happening didn't result in my having an affair. If stuff happening is reason for affiars, how come we don't all have them? We all have stuff happen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 9:44pm

I would argue that the scenarios in which a couple should stay married following infidelity include those situations where THAT COUPLE believe it is in the best interest of those involved to do so.


You're looking for blanket, "In situation A, use solution Z" explanations, but aren't listening when others tell you that such 'one size fits all' solutions aren't appropriate.


Virgo

Virgo
 

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