~Forgive a Cheating Spouse??~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2005
~Forgive a Cheating Spouse??~
867
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 7:58pm

Would you or could you possibly forgive a cheating spouse? Why or why not??

Is there hope after infidelity?

Do you think SAHM's are more likely to forgive a cheating husband then WOHM's due to financial dependence/independence?

~Jenn

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 4:28pm
I remember the story, but I don't think I can state it without risking a violation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 4:30pm
No swears, but pretty good trash talk regardless. The mark of desperation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 4:41pm

Go ahead and debate. Tell me why you should forgive a cheating spouse and stay with them while they figure out what they want out of life. Why is this a good thing? I have told you why I think you shouldn't.

Take your pick from the following:

Staying with/depending on someone who is untrustworthy is good because?
Staying with someone who has openly shown disregard for you and your marriage vows is good because?
Staying with someone who needs to change before they've even decided to change let alone actually changed is good because?
Believing somone who lied before God and half your family is good because?
Going back into the exact situation that resulted in the affair is good because?

Tell me why it's good to stay. I've told you why I think it is good to leave.

If you have self respect, you don't stay with someone who has lied to you, dissed you and your vows, who can't be trusted and who needs to get his act together. Why? Because you disrespect yourself by accepting living with someone who disrespected you. Because you don't know IF he will change or how he will change in the beginning. He may or may not straighten out his act. Because it could be a long long time before you can trust him again. Living with someone you can't trust is desirable because?

I say the best move is to move out. Give yourself time to grieve and him time to decide whether he even wants to be married (he sure doesn't behave like it). IF (big IF) he does change his ways and has proven that (could take decades here) maybe you'll get back together, who knows. However, you will have kept your self respect in the meantime and protected youself from further hurt.

I don't understand why women who have been wronged think they need to fix things and keep their man. Some men are not worth keeping. If you don't step back from the emotions of the situation, you may end up making the wrong choice.

Given the he has already shown himself to be untrustworthy, I see no logic in staying other than because you don't want to step out of your comfort zone. I mean, no one has to know, right? We can pretend things are ok and life will just go on, right? Denial is the first stage of loss. I really don't think the decision as to whether or not a marriage is worth saving should be made while one is in denial and too ashamed to talk to others about what is going on. Sometimes, distance clears your head.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 4:44pm
You said I should assume there is risk within my marriage. That would mean assuming my husband has been unfaithful. Care to explain how else there could be risk in having sex with my husband?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 4:49pm

I do follow them. There is no rule that says I have to trust someone who has betrayed my trust. Not trusting them doesn't mean I turn my back on them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 4:50pm
LOL, right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 4:53pm

I take it CLW is someone you both know? Someone else thought my initials were CLW. They're not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 4:55pm

Psst, the LOL at something that isn't funny, and the thumbs down icon, is a classic CLW giveaway.

So, how's the divorce proceeding going?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 4:58pm

I don't think your initials are CLW. No one else did either.

Doesn't it just frost your cookies to get caught yet again?




Edited 6/3/2005 5:04 pm ET ET by dogma_2
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 5:00pm

again, your post is nothing more than lengthy rhetoric, not worth reading, much less responding to.


I cant debate someone who glosses over or refuses to answer questions. I cant debate someone who responds to posts in a manner that indicates they didnt even read the post to begin with. And I cant debate someone who insists people are saying things that they arent.


So keep on *debating* yourself. Or talking to yourself. Whatever you want to call it.


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Pages