~Forgive a Cheating Spouse??~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2005
~Forgive a Cheating Spouse??~
867
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 7:58pm

Would you or could you possibly forgive a cheating spouse? Why or why not??

Is there hope after infidelity?

Do you think SAHM's are more likely to forgive a cheating husband then WOHM's due to financial dependence/independence?

~Jenn

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 11:08am

Why is it anyone who doesn't don rose colored glasses is negative? There is a lot of ground between looking at everything through rose colored glasses and being a pessimist. I'm a realist. I've watched people for many years to get to the point I am now and I've seen, over and over, that when someone does something that is untrustworthy, chances are you can't trust them.

There is no way I'd want my daughters to stay in a relationship with a man who cheated on them. As I've said, you need time to cry and heal and he need time to change and prove he's changed. Trying to rebuild a marriage out of the ashes of the one that was destroyed while doing all of that is a lot to take on. One step at a time and you need to start with taking cre of yourself and your kids.

I do not take infidelity lightly because it isn't something to be taken lightly. It's not something that just happens. It is not trivial. There is something very wrong if a spouse will cheat. It shows disrespect for their spouse and your marriage vows.

Can you tell me why I should stay with someone who has shown disrespect to me and can't be trusted to abide by a vow he took?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 11:27am

All I can say is actually a repetition of your own words, "There is a lot of ground between looking at everything through rose colored glasses and being a pessimist."


While you may see yourself as a "realist", you are closer to the pessimist end of the spectrum than you realize.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 11:42am

Your vulgar description of sex is jaundiced. Did you ever read Othello? In it, Iago talks about sex as "making the best with two backs," a similarly ugly, vulgar perspective on sexuality. The reason Shakespeare has him say this, quite early on in the play, was to make it clear that this character is no lover of humanity.

It's what poker players would call a "tell."

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 11:47am

FWIW, I know of only one couple who stayed together and made it work.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 11:54am
Not only jaundiced but a dead giveaway as to the utter emptiness of her argument and her despair over that fact. Also her despair at the fact that life isn't perfect. And further, her rage at not being able to handle that. All crystal clear, and an excellent formula for becoming an embittered old crone in later life. Or maybe even sooner.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 12:05pm
Great post. We owe it to ourselves and our kids to at least give peace a chance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 12:13pm

I truly believe in the ability of people to overcome, to change, to become better.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 12:19pm
Absolutely. I think KB doesn't get it that what separates us from animals is this ability to learn, to grow, to develop spiritually, to use our free will in positive directions. We all make mistakes, and we all have the ability to learn. If we don't forgive others their mistakes, then we can't forgive ourselves our own mistakes. And if we can't forgive ourselves our own mistakes, then maybe we don't *make* mistakes. So then we can spend our lives being perfect and giving up on everyone else. Because they're not perfect. That's what I call a jaundiced view.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 12:25pm

Me too. . .me too.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 12:35pm
Excellent response. . .spot on.

Virgo

Virgo
 

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