Friendships: those with similar status?

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Friendships: those with similar status?
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Thu, 06-12-2003 - 1:40pm
I haven't posted here before, but I am constantly interested in this topic. Do your friends tend to have the same work status as you? If you SAH, do you find it hard to be friends with WOHM's? If you WOH, is it tough to be friends with SAHM's?

I'm sort of caught in the middle since I work part time. More about that later, I want to see what everyone else says.

Jen

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 1:52pm
Most of my friends now are through my church so there is a wide range of where they are in their life. Young parents of toddler-school age kids up to empty nesters soon to be of retirement age, all combinations of work status.

When I was a SAHM, I think that my friends did lean towards the SAH side but some were WOHM. That was probably because of more opportunity to mean SAHM.

I don't think that the work status was really an issue, but more the individual person. If I don't click with someone then, I can't see being a friend with them just because we have the same status. On the other hand if I do click with someone then I can't see why work status would matter.

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Registered: 04-22-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 1:54pm
I have very few friends with children.
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 1:54pm
My closest friend is a stay at home mother that homeschools. She is very conservative and very traditional. Just about the complete opposite of me. We have children the same age and that is what ties us together. We do not judge each other and she is one of the most supportive people I know. She cleaned my house when DH was on chemo and her husband did our yard work. When I had to rush DH to the hospital, she watched our baby until 2 in the morning. She is really wonderful.

My other friends have a variety of work postions-some work part time, some are taking a year off and some stay home. The common thread is that we have children the same age and we do not judge each other. My children are 6 and 20 months and I think the older your children get the more the issue does not matter. I am more secure in my parenting and do not feel guilty for working.

All of my friends are either through church or work. They are diverse-childless, married with grandkids etc.




Edited 6/12/2003 1:56:11 PM ET by kmgalligan

"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 2:04pm
Nope. All of my friends were friends prior to having children. I have 4 *very* close girlfriends and we all work in varying degrees. One has 4 kids with the youngest being 12yo. She works some ft, some pt. Another has no children-she works ft. One has a 2.5yo and a 6mo-she works about 1 day a month. And another has 2 kids ages 8 and 5 and she works pt most of the time, with occasional ft stints. I dont have any friends with children who steadily work a ft 40 hr workweek though! Of course, pretty much all of my friends are airline employees (I'm a retiree) and that means lots of shiftwork, coupled with the ability to move between ft and pt status as one desires.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for biancamami
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 2:05pm
Most of my friends are from church so work status is not that relevant. However, I believe there are many more WOHM in my area (NYC). The cost of living is so high that your DH has to be pulling a REALLY good salary for you to SAH.

Of my two friends who SAH, one had to move to Jersey to afford it and the other one literally has NO SAVINGS, no emergency fund, no extra income for vacations and such..and she gets an "allowance" from her parents to pay for her son's clothes, toys, etc.

The rest of my friends are all WOH...some part time but most full time. So we can all relate to each other...our lifestyles are very similar!

Ana
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Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 2:22pm
I'm a SAHM, and I have friends on both sides of the issue.

My SAH friends are good to have around, because our kids play together. I don't have a lot in common with them other than that, but they're nice enough. It bothers me that a few of the people in my circle of SAH friends are very self-righteous about their choices (Dr. Laura is quoted frequently), but they aren't all like that. But to be honest, I'm not sure if these women will still be my friends once I eventually go back to work. They really look down on that sort of thing. (I'm not saying all SAHMs are that way ... these are women that I met through a certain club, so they probably aren't representative of SAHMs in general.)

I have a lot of friends who WOH as well. I've met most of these friends through running. Since we have the common interests of training, racing, and nutrition, we always have a lot to talk about. It's not at all tough being friends with them, and we really look forward to the time we spend together. We've sort of formed a mutual admiration society. The SAH/WOH issue hardly ever arises, and when it does we're nothing less than fully supportive of each other. :-)

I don't think employment status is at all important; common interests matter a lot more.

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 2:29pm
My answers are:

<> Not necessarily. My friends are of various work statuses (WOHFT, WOHPT, SAH).

<> No.

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 2:40pm
I have friends who sah and woh. I've moved a few times since having kids, so most of my "local" friends are moms with kids similar ages to mine. Strange enough, it seems I have more in common with woh parents. It probably is just an individual thing and not a generalization of any kind, but it seems my sah friends are a bit more uptight and competitive. There is a lot of comparison among the kids and they are much more critical if one of my kids misbehaves or has a runny nose. The woh parents I know are more forgiving of these types of things.

Jill

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Registered: 05-13-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 2:49pm
I've worked p/t for the last 10 years, but recently my hours are more than previously. I don't know a single woman who works full-time. Most of my friends are SAHM's, who I met when I sah. I live in a community where sah is prevelant. I really miss the old days when the kids were little, all of us would go to the playground every day, or do story hour. We did a lot of socializing.

Now that all the kids are older, a few are starting very part-time work. One is an architect who works one day a week and another works 2 days a week as a designer. We don't see each other nearly as much, but I think it has as much to do with the kids all being in school as it does with work status. Still manage to get together with everyone once a week or once every 2 weeks, plus seeing people around town (it's a very small town).

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Registered: 05-08-2003
Thu, 06-12-2003 - 3:21pm
Majority of my friends are WOHMS. I have 3 SAHM friends and all the many others are WOH. Obviously I don't find any problem being friends w/WOHMS. We aren't friends because we of our status. We aren't even friends because we are parents. We are friends because we like each other, enjoy doing things together, enjoy talking, enjoy getting together as couples, because we have common interests, common thoughts on news, current events, etc.

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