Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 2:44am

I really have to disagree about getting up with kids. You are assuming that it is always possible to have positive interaction with kids in the AM. That does not hold. If mom is in a stupor because she did not get to sleep till 3, or the kids are like mine, i.e. always in a foul mood in the AM or for any number of other reasons this might not be the best time for happy together time.

I had taught dd how to make her own breakfast by the time she was in first grade, in order to avoid conflict in the AM. If it works for you, then that's great, but that does not mean it has to be the norm for everyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 4:04am
I wasn't going to respond, but I'm going to park my ditto with you.

************

Kitty

The horrifying consequences of underaged
baking cannot be overstated.--me, because there's nothing you can't learn from teh
interwebz

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 8:50am

i do agree that logistically,a SAHM does have more time

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 8:54am

why wouldn't a mom be up when her kids are up?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 9:03am

If she is an owl and they are larks, the mother might not get up in the morning. If she works late and they get up early. The mom in the OP stays up past 2AM to be there for her DH when he gets home from work. So, if she is to get up with the the children for school she will get less than 5 hours sleep a night. Not enough IMO.

Many upper elementary school aged children are more than able to get up on their own and get their own breakfast, get dressed and make it to school. Certainly not all, but it doesn't take a precocious child to do it either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 9:15am

right.

 

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 9:21am

Because she is sleeping? Dh and I normally get up at 8:30-9, but dd has to get up at 7:30 to be at school on time.

When she was in elementary school, I woke her, went back to bed, then got up when it was time to take her to school. Even when she was older, I set my alarm and woke her up, but I did not usually get up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 9:24am

that's unusal IME.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 9:26am

I didn't say the interaction had to be positive! It just has to exist. Most of the time, I just get up and sit at the kitchen counter drinking coffee as the kids come down. DS is *always* in a nasty mood, stomping around the kitchen, "have you seen my gym clothes?" etc. DD is just quiet. But once in a while, there is a day when they'll both just want to be hugged before they leave. On the other days, I think my presence there is supportive, even if there isn't much dialogue. I guess I don't have to see obvious fruits of my "labor" to think the labor might be useful.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 9:35am
I think her point was though that the time together was pretty much the opposite of quality time -- they were both grumpy and miserable and this solution helped them get along better.

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