Frustrated Dad
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Frustrated Dad
| Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am |
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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"Going out to me is like when we had no kids and you are free to do what you want and stay out as long as you want."
Not to sound like some of the people I disagreed with earlier, but unless you have a very well paid live-in nanny, a personal slave or a live-in grandma with no social life, then you do not get to do that after you have kids. (Unless, of course, you are one of those people with grandparents willing to host the kids overnight.)
In a few years you will be able to leave them without a sitter, but you still won't be able to stay out all night and do whatever you want. That will have to wait till the kids are out of the house.
Doesn't your mother ever come up to visit you and your sister? maybe she could stay for a few days on the couch, so you and dh could go party.
~o~ ...^^^... ~o~
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
Oscar Wilde
Edited 3/7/2010 6:35 am ET by rollmops2009
~o~ ...^^^... ~o~
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
Oscar Wilde
~o~ ...^^^... ~o~
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
Oscar Wilde
~o~ ...^^^... ~o~
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
Oscar Wilde
Can you give an example or two? It would make it easier to understand. How old is your dd?
ETA: I see that that you don't want to give examples, but if you could remind me of her age, that would still be helpful. Has it gotten worse in the last few years, or is it just that it doesn't ever seem to improve? Does she still tantrum/melt down?
~o~ ...^^^... ~o~
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
Oscar Wilde
Edited 3/7/2010 6:37 am ET by rollmops2009
~o~ ...^^^... ~o~
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
Oscar Wilde
~o~ ...^^^... ~o~
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
Oscar Wilde
That seems an unrealistic expectation from you, given your refusal to extend that same understanding to others. If there's only One True Path to Proper Parenting, your children's differences from others must, by definition, be irrelevant.
Kitty
"I would make a long list, but that would take too much time and I have stuff to do like taking over the world and cooking cheese spaghetti."
************
Kitty
"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .
Seriously? That's your great hardship that many other people could never understand nor handle without drug therapy?
"Hardship: You keep saying that word. I don't think it means what you think it means."
Kitty
"I would make a long list, but that would take too much time and I have stuff to do like taking over the world and cooking cheese spaghetti."
************
Kitty
"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .
Well, to be fair, I think the real hardship was the situation with her family not understanding the trouble with her dd.
That can be a real hardship, the trouble itself and the lack of understanding from others. My mother has been living it for 30 (unmedicated, btw) years.
~o~ ...^^^... ~o~
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
Oscar Wilde
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