Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 9:48am
It means that if you have debt, then it is better to spend money on paying down the debt than to spend it on a trip to Disney.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 9:49am

Most of the people we are friends with have grandparents who do have the kids overnight or ones who will watch them until late. We don't usually stay out that late, 1am usually the latest. I just don't want to go out at 6pm for dinner and be home by 8pm.


When my mom comes the days are usually packed with things so we would rather spend time with her than go out.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 9:50am
Ok, yeah, we don't really do those things. We prefer to talk or see friends (also to talk).

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 9:50am
What kind of support do you consider it, then?














iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 9:51am

Close and loving does not mean you are understood.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 9:51am
OK, that may be true for your friends, but believe me plenty of us do not have those kinds of grandparents around.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 9:53am
I don't know, it would mean that to me. But if you could explain something you would like them to do that they don't do, it might be easier to understand.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 9:54am

Thanks. Yes, we have bartered with family and friends babysitting in the past. No one wants to spend extra money to go out and we all would like to go out-lol!!


Yes, there are places around that do that but the prices ARE higher and again, I don't feel worth it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 9:58am

Thanks so much for your kind words. I don't think you are a friend of mine on fb but if you are (I have lost count and have to do a "cleaning" every once in a while-lol!!) I sometimes "vent" on there. Sometimes I get some good ideas.


I am being to learn that people do NOT understand and probably never will. I am getting better telling people, like my family that what they say is NOT supportive and am basically standing up more for myself. I am almost 39 yrs. old and do NOT need to be treated like I am 7 yrs. old and made fun of. I am not perfect and never will be but I tell things like it is and some people do not like it. Too bad-lol!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:01am

I don't really consider it "special needs" but different and many times more difficult than the "average" child.


I guess it could SOUND like complaining to others who have never dealt with things like we do as my gf at work said that one time UNTIL I explained about the ADHD and things and then she felt bad and apologized and said she never knew anyone like that. That made me feel better and THAT was very supportive. She NEVER said anyone bad again about my "complaints".


I do know my blessings and know that I have had more than many people but that is not what my posts were originally about.

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