Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:26am
OK, what kind of comments do they make?

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:27am
It was a general comment on the limitations of the envelope method.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:34am
I am told that I am doing this or that wrong and how I SHOULD be doing something even after I have explained for years how it does not work. To me that is NOT being supportive. It would be more supportive to say I do not understand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:39am

many of us here understand what that is like -- being told our child's issues are our fault, being told we're incompetent parents, being told in some cases that our kids were freaks for needing couseling..being told there is only one right way to do pretty much anything..

it hurts... i'm so sorry for you.... my experince with my daughter has made me much more understanding and respectful of other peoples situations...there is no 'one right way' is there?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:43am

Thanks so much :)


If you ever feel like being a fb friend, you know where to find me. No need to be cautious with me, I go on there to vent and talk about basically nothing-lol!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:45am
Basically that I just don't know what I am doing and I should be doing this or that. Are you on fb? You can see some of the comments on there :0
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:47am

What are the limitations though? Not sure what you mean. You budget your salary and then separate them in envelopes, literally or not literally, as

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:49am

Nope, there is no one right way and while I understand that, many don't and IME the ones who don't are the ones I have to deal with on a daily basis-lol!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:49am
i'm just cautious about who i let get a glimpse into my personal life ...
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:50am

No, I do not use FB, and after some of the stories I have heard, I have no desire to either.

I only ask because when you are in the middle of dealing with this, you tend to get defensive. It is tiring, it is difficult and you can easily take something the wrong way that really was meant nicely. Your family members may not have a clue, but they probably would like to help.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

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