Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:53am
I am cautious too. I am pretty harmless though-lol!! I comment on people's walls but that's about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:54am
um...if I can say this gently...then perhaps your own struggles with a family who criticizes and judges might help you gain perspective on the struggles that people share here and perhaps not criticize or judge so quickly.... remembering of course how you feel to be told over and over you're 'wrong' by the people closest to you ... and how others might feel to be told the same thing from someone who doesn't even know them -- whether it's because they change schools for their kids, rent instead of own, choose to worship differently than you do, or choose a homeschooling path or a different country to raise their kids in . remembering there is no 'one right way' is a great way to find and give support to others...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:56am
it's not the comments that i'm cautious about...it's about what people can do with knowing the detailsof my life. I only share those with people who have proven themselves supportive friends, some people are out there just to find a way to exploit your most personal information...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:58am
but you "could" go out at 6 or 7 and be back by 10 or 11....Leaving about 4 hours for time with your husband. I guess I just can't see the downside to that even though it's not the "all-night" or 6 hours that you "wanted".
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:58am
One may hope.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:59am
I agree, that sounds as though they are not supportive of your parenting style and/or choices. After you have explained why you do something a certain way, they should butt out. They don't have to agree, but they don't have to constantly voice their disagreement either. And if they actively undermine your parenting decisions when they are around your children, that's even worse. So I think I see what you mean now.














iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 10:59am

They might want to help but it sure doesn't feel that way. Again, I would feel more support if they actually just said they did not understand and wished they could help but they have never heard, or dealt with this or that type of situation. I have said that but it seems like it doesn't sink in. I AM standing up more for myself though and it makes me feel much better. I am very lucky that I am going through this with my dh as he understands and while we don't know exactly how to deal with everything, we have met people who are going through similiar situations and we make our own decisions. We also have had help from teachers and they know that we are on the same page as them so that gives us some support. I don't think many couples could make it through our stressful times. We are truly blessed to have the strength that we do and know that we are doing the best raising our family and we do it because of the love we have for each other and our children. One day we will be grateful we didn't throw in the towel when we are by ourselves and our children are grown and out on their own (oh and on a cruise-lol!!).

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 11:00am
Thanks :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 11:01am
Sorry to hear that :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 11:03am
Oh, we have gone out less time but again, 4 hours would set me back over $50 for just the sitter. That seems alot to me when that money could be spent for something else (or saved).

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