Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 4:31pm
Right, so there is something else going on that is not ADHD and that is not being helped by the meds. It could even be something that is aggravated by the meds. It could also be that she has perhaps been misdiagnosed. Again, if you have not already, you should consider a new psychiatrist. Do you not want to give her age? It is quite relevant.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 4:38pm

Thanks. I do try and say that you don't understand but it sounds like whining. I will start saying that what you are saying is not very supportive and maybe that will help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 4:39pm

She is 11 1/2 and I have never said she

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 5:05pm

You are very welcome and please stop being so hard on yourself,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 5:08pm
Thanks so much. I am trying :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 5:13pm

~LOL, on having to parent a dd and a mom at the same time, yep, I can relate there too.~


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 5:27pm

Good, don't stop trying,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 5:43pm
If the difficulties are not due to the ADHD, and your pediatrician (or whomever is prescribing the ADHD meds) hasn't been able to figure out a solution to DD's problems after 6 years, I would recommend consulting with a child psychologist or child psychiatrist. They may be able to spot something that the pediatrician can't.














iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 6:05pm
I don't think I have ever called one of my kids on a sleepover. I always talk to the other parent first to find out if they are going anywhere, whether they will need special things like perhaps a bathing suit or baseball mitt or whatever, and what time I should pick them up the following day. The hosting parents have both of our cell phone numbers and our home phone number. They are usually intelligent people who would call if they had any questions, changes of plan, anything like that. I would not need to call twice to see if everything was going fine; I would trust the people my child is visiting to call if everything were not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 6:06pm
Yes, very, very sad. My keyboard is all wet because I am crying over the sad lack of empathy.

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