Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 7:49pm

our district brought the 6th graders up from elementary schools almost 25 years ago.


our middle school is 6th -8th and we function with a true middle school philosophy. The kids are organized on teams of just under 100 kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
In reply to: daddy_gil
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 8:01pm

Sigh...why the need to put me down? I am not trying to have my dd to do what I do regarding organization or anything else. Wouldn't you want to learn from someone who is better than someone else at something? You don't think you could learn something from them even if you don't do it exactly the same way they do?


As a parent it is my job to teach my children the best I can with the skills and knowledge I have. That is what I am doing. Is it harder to teach a child with ADD or ADHD?, yes.


I have been through this for probably about 8 yrs. now as my dd exhibited ADHD symptoms from a young age. I understand it is hard for others to grasp what I have and others have gone through trying to raise these type of children. I am sorry

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 8:35pm
no, actually she's made it CLEAR that this is about HER dd and helping HER dd navigate her way through school and homework assignments.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 8:49pm

the problem with that strategy for many children would be that the failure would not be a "learning experience" but yet another nail in their low self-esteem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 9:54pm

Right, ABSOLUTLEY, but Iam not talking about ensuring unwanted pregancy or STD's. Iam talking about promoting safe sex to

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 9:58pm
Oh i totally disagree, she has made it very clear this is about her dd and only her dd not sweetsummerdays.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 9:59pm
Good!














iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 10:02pm
Remeber let it roll off your back...quack quack quack your a duck in water~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 10:05pm
Yep~ i should have read this first b-4 responding!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 10:18pm

We have a very similar concept here.

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