Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 7:58am
Yes, and his kindergarten teacher even plain stated that he had no LD and that is was just his attitude. She is a dyslexia denier.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 8:04am

There are many things:
1) Have the child clean out her backpack every Sunday night.

2)Have an accordion folder that has a slot for homework for each class.

3) Get a 504or IEP - especially in Middle school and HS as teacher are much less likely to do special things for student that do not have official accommodations.

4) Have a homework notebook to write down homework in each class. It doesn't have to be huge. It can be a small notebook that fits into a back pocket.

5)Utilize the online resources that the school has. Our school uses BlackBoard.

6) Have a homework spot at home that is used exclusively by the child for homework. Preferably in an area where you are. Like a family room off the kitchen. have this space cleaned up by the child at least once a week.

7) Provide notebooks for each class and a three ring hole cutter. SO the student can organize each class in it.

8) Some children benefit from therapy session with a trained person familiar with ADHD.

9) Set an afternoon schedule -- off time and homework time.

10) Set specific chores for each child to do. Teach them how to do the laundry and cook a few meals.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 8:24am
Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 8:32am

Look, I am not advocating letting a child fail fail fail and keep on failing. I am saying that often the best way for a child to learn is through failure. Just because a child has a LD or ADHD or whatever, doesn't mean they can't learn from *certain types* of failures.

I am not advocating letting a child fail at something that they have no ability to do in the first place. I am advocating letting a child fail at things he or she can learn from. I am also advocating letting a child fail and not lean on Mom and Dad so the school can see where the child is and provide appropriate services.

On a different note, I am also advocating letting children fail when they are exposed to different teaching techniques. If a school decides to use a different curriculum and the parents fill in the blanks at home the test results do not reflect how good or poor that curriculum actually is. If parents have to do quite a bit of teaching at home, the teachers don't really know which students are having trouble in which subjects and then cannot change their teaching to reflect the true needs of the students. The parents crumble about having to teach too much at home and there is a sense of trust that is lost between the teachers and parents. All because the parents didn't want junior to fail at ____.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 8:37am
The best was when I had one twice a week. Even with 3 slobs in the house, the place was usually ok.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 8:38am
Twice a week is my fantasy! We have one come every other week and it is better and cheaper than marriage counseling. ;)
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 8:39am
These all sound like good advice.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 8:45am
Our school starts switching classes in 3rd grade, but just for math. Well, they do go to different classes for their specials, but when they get to third grade, they switch teachers for math, and have some third graders from the other classes mixed in with them. Same for fourth grade. In fifth grade, they split up for math again, but as a class, there are three different teachers who teach social studies/math, Language Arts, science/religion. Next year, for sixth grade, they will not stay with their class anymore and switch for every subject depending on what teacher they have. Fifth grade is supposed to be the transitional year for them as next year will be "middle school" even though it's in the same building/same administration. No lockers though until high school.
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 8:45am

"better and cheaper than marriage counseling" Exactly! We both want a decently kept house. Neither one of us wants to do it though, so instead of bickering and being resentful, we hired a maid.

The twice a week was indeed a special kind of wonderful and she was both really good and efficient, as well as a nice person. Unfortunately, I have never found an adequate replacement. The one I have now can only come once a week, and she is not all that efficient. It still beats bickering though.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 8:48am
I'd have asked the coach to give her EXTRA laps.

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