Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:02am

I think you are getting some good ideas here about programs that you were unaware of before, perhaps some of them are worth looking into?


Have you tried the adhd board here at ivillage?

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:03am

I really have no idea what you're talking about. If you want to ask a question, just ask it.

Saying a child isn't "constantly supervised every waking hour" isn't saying the child isn't supervised at all. You seem to think there are two options.

If you read rollmop's description in your own thread, she is up and about when her dd is getting ready for school, so I'm not sure where you're getting the idea she doesn't see her off to school. They don't have hugs and kisses or I don't think, much conversation, but no one said that was a requirement. Further, even if she doesn't see her off to school, the kid is going to college next year. She's hardly an elementary school kid, which is the age we've been discussing all along.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:04am

do you need to understand what it's like to change schools for your kids so they can thrive in the best environment in order to support those who do?


do you need to understand what its like to be part of a faith community different from your to support someone in pain when that community goes away?


do you need to understand what its like to go through a divorce and a hugechange of life to support someone who has done that?


do you need to understand what it's like to have a family member with depression in order to support someon who does?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:04am

There is not much more to say to many of these posts and some people show the exact signs of exactly what I was speaking of people I deal with on a daily basis who just do not understand.

Is there some reason why the people you deal with on a daily basis owe you support?

************

Kitty

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:05am

Actually I think it would depend on how hot.

Hot enough to actually burn them, yes.

But if it was not hot enough to actually burn them but hot enough for them to feel the heat then touching it may be a good teaching tool in stove=hot and why not to touch it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:09am

I can see doing that with YDS when he is older. He is doing much better within the classroom asking for help. He used to just sit there closed up, now he raises his hand or goes over to the aide or teacher for help.

I have alot of unresolved issues regarding his kindergarten teacher and preschool teacher. I still carry some anger about it- although it is less as time goes by.

If I can brag (and you probably will be able to understand significance of this): Last week when I was driving YDS back from his neurology appointment, I asked if he looks at the words I read to him (following along) or not. He paused and said, "It may not look like I am listening, but I have to listen differently so that it goes straight into my long term memory because my short term memory is blank." I bounced this of our ODS's therapist (who has a specialty in brain neural net issues) and she was amazed that he could articulate it so well. She also said he has developed a great strategy to work around his deficits. It also explains why he remembers regular everyday things so clearly.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:10am

I know you didn't, but this thread is about at least one parent saying she wouldn't keep her kids from making mistakes. You don't have to seek out mistakes--there are plenty of opportunities for them to happen when a parent *is* around.

Right, nobody lets their kid walk out in the middle of the street, and that's what I was trying to say to you in the following the kid example (which morphed into something else). I guess I should have said, suppose you were walking her to school in 3d grade, and she started to walk into the middle of a busy street. Of course you'd stop her from making that mistake.

I believe you that you've pushed the edge, especially considering the challenges you've talked about facing with your dd, but all parents keep their kids from making mistakes. That's all I was trying to say, and I think it's silly that PKA (who is following you around agreeing with you) is making that argument. I don't see any chance of getting her to back off of that, which is why I was trying to explain it to someone I thought I had a chance of getting what I meant.;)

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:12am
Then I think people are arguing with you for no reason. You're all saying the same thing, just using different words.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:15am

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PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:16am

Promoting safe sex isn't the same as preventing safe sex.

LOLOLOLOL.....um, I don't think that says what you think it says. ;)

************

Kitty

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

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