Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 9:37am
Yes, but my kid, when in a bad mood, will get rather noisy and nasty. If there is nobody to pick a fight with, it is much easier to have quiet in the morning. It may seem like an extreme solution, but it works, and besides, I never could get used to getting up at 7.
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 9:39am
Indeed! No purpose in picking at an open sore and then being frustrated that it won't heal. We are not morning people and we accept that and act accordingly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 10:05am

What time do you have to get up? I am a morning person and can't ever sleep past 7:30 even on Saturdays. On weekdays, I'm up at 6 with the kids or sometimes 5:30, which is when DH's alarm goes off. Otherwise, DD's alarm blasts NPR so loudly that if you're not up at 6, too bad!

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 10:13am
I rarely HAVE to get up, but we usually get up somewhere between 8 and 9. If left to my own devices, I can easily sleep later than that and take a nap in the afternoon as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 10:29am
In general it doesn't sound as if you are expecting too much. I am sure your wife probably expects you to bring home a paycheck so expectations on both sides aren't out of the question. I do think you should sit down with your wife and talk to her about your expectations. I also believe, in general, that a 7 year old should have a parent overseeing school preparations.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 10:43am
She already explained that in her daughter's case, the morning went more smoothly if there was minimal interaction between parent and child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 10:50am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 10:56am
I started getting myself ready for school at 12. I had to be up at 5:30 to catch the bus at 6:30. It worked out really well for us. My mom did have to start waking up to get my sister to school on time when she started junior high-- she couldn't wake up with an alarm clock, like I could. In any case, I think this is one of those things that families need to work out for themselves. If I had needed my mom to be awake for some reason, I know she would have gotten up. And I do think 7 is a little bit young to be getting ready for school alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 11:05am

I also get up with my kids.

Deb


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 12:05pm
To be fair though, he isn't telling her to sack up and earn her own money to support herself financially. Why can't he expect his wife to support him by taking care of the needs at home? He isn't her daddy either.....just saying.

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