Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:45am
You do remember, don't you, that this is a DEBATE board? You can't very well expect from posters here what you'd expect from a friend, neighbor or family member IRL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:47am

<kid make any old mistake. No, I did not throw her in front of a bus, so she could learn how that makes you kinda dead.>>


Funny thing is that I never said I would do that either....not preventing someone from making mistakes is not the same as making them make those mistakes just to learn something.


My control over my children's choices is rapidly evaporating as well, I can't prevent them from making mistakes for the most part...but they aren't put into situations that they can't handle yet either....that's where most of the control is that I still have with my children.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:49am

"I wasn't offering you support."

Yes, I am fully aware of that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:49am

Thanks.


PumpkinAngel

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:52am
Granitestategal wrote you a very nice post a little while back. You may want to reread it.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:52am

Okay...I have read up to this point and haven't seen anything about how you have tried with family and friends, perhaps I have missed it or haven't gotten to it yet, so I will keep reading.


<<There is not much more to say to many of these posts and some people show the exact signs of exactly what I was speaking of people I deal with on a daily basis who just do not understand. >>


Are those the posts that condemn other's different choices and or family life....or just the ones with adhd?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:53am

I don't have a 2 year old child, the question isn't relevant, let alone the judgement.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:54am

This thread pretty much proves to me (not that I didn't really know this already from family and friends who have the same responses and reactions) that people who do not have children with ADD/ADHD really do not understand and never will.

I AM glad that others have shared their stories though as what they have said mimics exactly what we have and are going through.

I guess the "debate" part should have stopped awhile ago though as there really is NO debate about what is the truth about living life with an ADD/ADHD child.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:55am

"... what I was speaking of people I deal with on a daily basis who just do not understand."

Is dealing with that why you then try to belittle other people for living in apartments, having had their church implode, having gone to counseling, having once upon a time dealt with a spouse going through a bout of depression etc?

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:57am

We don't have teams, there are about 130 kids in each grade in middle school and then they add about 20-30 more in the high school years.

PumpkinAngel

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