Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 2:07pm

And I agree with you but comments like the ones that have been on this thread don't show much support, even if this is a debate board AND they were not even formed to debate but were saying "boo hoo, you have a horrible life, poor you".

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 2:07pm

You said the op and others chose different times not to supervise their children. You then claimed I said the same thing because I agreed that I don't "constantly supervise every waking hour." Incorrect. That doesn't mean I don't supervise my children; it means I don't constantly supervise them every waking hour. You don't seem able to see beyond the two extremes: no supervision at all and "constant supervision every waking hour."

As for rollmops, she said she woke her dd up. That *is* supervision, even though it isn't "constant supervision every waking hour." Other than the op, who sleeps through the kids getting up, I don't see any posters saying their kids get ready and off to school entirely on their own, despite a lengthy thread on this subject that you started below.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 2:14pm

You're right; I should have said, "you wouldn't physically stop a child from burning his hand on a hot stove?" I think I did use the word "burn" in another post in this thread.

The point was that there are many mistakes parents don't let their kids make.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 2:17pm
Not for nothing, but *you* were actually the one saying you had a horrible life.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 2:21pm

Interesting how different perpectives can come form from one statment.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 2:23pm

Oh, I think there are several posters in this thread who understand. It's just that you were using an example of safe sex, which is something you can't *physically* prevent the way you can keep a 2-yr-old away from a fire. I agree that education prevents pregnancies and STDS--for *some* kids. But it doesn't work for everyone, as you and I already agreed. To me, you're all saying pretty much the same thing.

I think this poster understands it too. That's why she won't answer me when I ask her whether she would let a 2-yr-old burn his hand on a hot stove. We both know she wouldn't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 2:25pm

Actually it seemed to me that most posts were centered upon either suggesting ways that your dd might be able to get even more support through an IEP or 504, or on debating which behavioral tactics may or may not work in helping a child to learn how to become more personally responsible.

If you are only interested in getting understanding nods from people who are experiencing what you're going through, there is a support board for parents of children with ADD/ADHD.















iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 2:27pm
Lets! lol

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 2:28pm
I don't know what happens here, as my kids don't have trouble getting to school on time. But I'd be surprised if most schools didn't have some consequence for being late.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 2:41pm

I asked you before and I don't recall an answer....what mistakes do you think I shouldn't allow my kids to make?


PumpkinAngel

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