Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 4:27pm

I agree that they response of "why didn't you take my advice" is in poor taste and is not supportive.


But the fact that they gave you advice in the first place, and the fact that they have TRIED to help, shows that they are, indeed, supportive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 4:27pm
This happened to me once when,
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 4:28pm
That's not creative enough of an idea, and would never work for her.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 4:29pm
Yes, it still sounds like she has too many clothes to deal with, if she has enough so that she can stuff them in the toy box, the closet, and the floor. When she does that, take them away and do not return them. When she gets down to a manageable number, that is the right number of clothes for her to have.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 4:30pm

Why are you only talking about a 7 year old?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 4:30pm

But, but, but...


I'm sure that wouldn't work either.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 4:30pm
9 or 10 outfits? I don't think my kids have ever had 9 or 10 outfits. Unless you combine winter and summer clothes. I barely have 9 or 10 outfits.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 4:30pm

Have you tried just letting her be? Letting her have a jumble of clean and dirty clothes in the drawers and on the floor? and letting her, if she has to, wear a dirty outfit? Sometimes the best solution is no solution; if she wants to live like that let her. There's no negative consequence to anyone else is there?


(note that I said if she "wants" to live like that)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 4:31pm

We have them in the bathrooms, in our bedroom and the oldest has one....it's something we started from an early age and it works for the three of us, just

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 4:32pm
So.... not sure why you are questioning it.

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