Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 6:49pm
You are right. There does appear to be a solution to this problem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 6:49pm
I have thought about this throughout the years and have thought the hamper would just be another "garbage" can like she treats the rest of her room. It won't hurt to try it though. If the clean clothes end back in their because she just doesn't want to put them away, then I will know it wasn't
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 6:50pm
lol!! That was what I just posted-lol!! I am afraid this will be another garbage can like she treats her entire room.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 6:52pm
That's what you believe, but obviously, that's not working FOR HER.

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Ducky

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 7:24pm

That is exactly what I do. I help her clear out the room, clean from top to bottom. Being in her room MORE gives her more of a chance to mess it up. She can literally mess us a room in less than an hour AFTER it is cleaned. I kid you not. Her room was a MESS less than 12 hours after I helped her clean it top to bottom one time. AND that was INCLUDING sleeping time-lol!!


She really just does NOT care and we are trying to get her to have pride in her things and just herself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 7:33pm

lol! Oh believe me, I have. She doesn't have much "stuff". The problem is she can make a mess with a peice of paper, literally. She has wet peices of paper everywhere, wrappers from food, candy, gum, clothes. She will write on the furniture and walls in her room. She has written on her old comforter. She has written on stuffed animals, chairs. I have found food in jars in her room. I could go on and on and on.


She could have literally NOTHING in her room and it will be a mess, and I am not joking you. When I get to that room, it is spot.less. We go through clothes to give away to throw away so we cut down on the "stuff" she has.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 7:35pm

Oh, believe me I DO ignore SOME people but the ones who I truly love and care for are the ones that upset me.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 7:35pm
I'm not that familiar with FERPA, but that's how it works here. I can't ask a student if he or she has a disability, and if the student volunteers it, I can't share that information with any other faculty. Students who need them get accommodations for testing, which is all anonymous, so they set up their testing and accommodations with the registrar's office. The faculty member would never know about it unless the student volunteers the information, and ime, students usually don't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 7:36pm

It's not all or nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 7:36pm

Who said I wouldn't ;)

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