Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 7:37pm

<< I have provided all the tools and things to make herself organized. >>


Except a laundry hamper.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 7:38pm
Thanks :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 7:38pm

But you are getting SOME support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 7:41pm

<<She would go in her pj's then>>


Yeah? So? Let her.


<kids just do NOT care and will NOT try and change things.>>


Which is not, from what I understand (I could be wrong), a symptom of ADHD. Not

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 7:45pm
Have you?

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Ducky

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 8:01pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 8:14pm

<<She seems to have found clothes each and everyday. >>


So then what's the problem?


<<Where did I say I blamed it on it?>>


The basis of most of your posts in this subthread is that "noone understands. An ADHD child is not a normal child." and that your daughter's organizational problems are due to ADHD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 8:34pm

again I'm just going to perhaps say that remembering how the criticism and judgement feels might be a good lesson when one is tempted to judge and criticize oh I dunno... someone's orientation, religion, country of resident, housing choice, lack of makeup, lack of hair coloring choices, lack of fancy wedding receptions, school choices for their children, choice of what state to live in work in...oh the list goes on and on.

remember how it feels to be told you're 'wrong' that you're not doing IT right... and then take a deep breath before spouting that off to someone else...

jest sayin
signed

the gray haired, no makeup wearing, don't give a damn who Ed Hardy is, not having a fancy wedding divorced lesbian mom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 10:00pm
IME, the only one who truly matters in terms of day to day support is your husband. Is he not on the same page with you in regards to your daughter's needs? If he is, then hunker down, do what you both think is best for your family. You can work on extended relationships once you're confident your doing the right thing for your daughter, and she can't be harmed by people who doubt you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:33pm

I dont blame you,

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