Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 9:49am

And sometimes it takes an outsider to make a suggestion for it to sink in. Dd is in an after school book club with one of the guidance counselors at school. Apparently, the counselor mentioned at their last meeting that she keeps all the books she'd like to read in a basket next to her bed. Dd has always had a pile on the floor and on her dresser, even though she has two bookshelves in her room. I was always telling her to store away some of the books b/c I knew it would be a while until she got to them. Well that night, dd emptied out a nice basket she had on her desk that was holding CDs and other things that she NEVER uses and put the books into that basket and then placed it next to her bed. It really does help make the room look neater!

Now if only an outsider could influence her when it came to her clothes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 9:52am

My dd figured out how to get up on the counter by putting her toes onto the drawers w/o even pulling the drawers out.

Oh boy, I forgot about all those years of trying to keep my four kids off the counters!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 9:55am

What exactly is making it disgusting, beyond just messy or cluttered? Is she bringing food in there?

I realize it's hard to keep track of a child that age, and I know that I occasionally find gross things in my kids' rooms, but I have tried to instill over and over that they do not get to bring food or drinks into their bedrooms. They don't always listen, but it definitely keeps down the "gross" factor.

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 9:55am
Now that is talent! Mine, OTOH, never climbed on the counter. In some ways, although they were few lol, she was very easy.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 9:58am

Four of mine seem to have a fascination with candy wrappers, lol.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 9:59am
That was dh, early in our marriage, lol.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 10:01am
It's amazing what things my kids will try (not just in cleaning/organizing, but food, clothes,

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 10:04am

I occassionally will find stuff in the play room.

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Ducky

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 10:10am
Yes, I was complete nazi with that when dd was small. I can't stand watching kids walking around with food in their hands, so even for snacks, I used to sit her at the dining room table, with a plate and napkin. When she got a bit older, she would sometimes be allowed to eat something in front of the TV, but it was a special event.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 10:12am

I like the divided hamper idea. Currently we each have a hamper of sorts. However, all of our bedrooms are very close to each other so it isn't huge to go into each room. I bring it all to my room to sort before we take it down. I like to do full loads too- so we end up washing it all at once about one a week. I'll throw in a mid week wash if there is something important.

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