Frustrated Dad
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Frustrated Dad
| Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am |
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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Technically, I probably
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Ducky
To me, the difference isn't necessarily that the direct supervision is the same in both of your examples (parent not overseeing the kids). I might be off doing laundry in the morning while my kids are going about their morning routine, but if I'm awake, I will most likely know if the kid hasn't left for school on time. I'd be able to hear that my kid is still home and most likely, I'd be glancing at the clock occasionally to make sure they left the house in time for school. If I'm asleep, I'm totally oblivious unless one of the kids feels the need to come wake me up. To me, it's not that the parent isn't necessarily directly supervising the daily routine, it's that in the "occupied elsewhere in the house" scenario, it's more likely that the parent has some sort of awareness that the kids have left the house at a reasonable time.
IOW, I could be outside gardening and letting the kids get completely ready for school on their own, but I imagine that they might either say goodbye to me or I'd check at some point to make sure they had left the house. In the other situation, I'd have no idea until I woke up, which could be an hour later. If I'm awake, I'm more likely to at least be aware of the time to ensure that they do leave when they are supposed to but I'd only need to get involved if I notice they are running late.
<sleeping,
PumpkinAngel
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Ducky
My kids rooms are set up that way, but outside of sweaters and sweatshirts, they wear most clothes year round....they both routinely wear shorts in the dead of winter at home, inside the house and often just toss sweats over those.
PumpkinAngel
My mother and I were talking the other day b/c my sister mentioned to my mom that she doesn't really remember my mom yelling at us as kids. I'm sure she did but I don't remember it much. I told my mom that the only really arguing/nagging I remember from childhood is her persistent battle with me to put my things away - whether it was my clean clothes from the laundry room, my shoes that I left in the family room, or just other "stuff" of mine. It was that nagging. My parents were and are incredibly anal about everything being put away in its place...promptly.
I don't like clutter and I try to keep a handle on it, but with four kids and a small house, it's hard to always find a place for things. But I truly hear my mom's voice inside my head when I say to one of my kids, "I've told you FOUR times to to your room/put it way." It's so true that those things we did as kids come back to haunt you as an adult! I have to remind myself that my kids really aren't any different than me and my siblings were as kids. I was never that slobby, but I wasn't the absolute neatnik that my parents were. I've actually slacked off since having kids - I was much better about making sure EVERYTHING was put away before I went to bed at night, but now....as long as my kitchen is clean and the family room is presentable, I don't mind if there are certain things left out. Well, I do mind, but I try to overlook it.
Huh?
PumpkinAngel
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PumpkinAngel
Oh, I don't mean for all kids, but certainly one that seems to not be able to handle so many things.
My kids also wear shorts in the winter, around the house, and at the gym, then they have PE uniforms, too.
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Ducky
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