Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2001
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 4:26pm
"the same is true for a wohp; if he wants a cleaner house, the right thing for him to do is to clean it."
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 4:43pm
When you are talking about adults who ever is responsible for chores gets to set the standards for those chores. If others in the household does not agree with those standards then they can do them to their standards but they cannot force their standards on others.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2001
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 5:02pm
I'm not talking about eat off the floors clean.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 5:37pm

I'm sorry, but I thought it was sahMOM not sahMAID or SAHCOOK. Even June Cleaver had a maid and Ward did the yardwork.

In most cases, yes, a sahp has more time to clean the house or cook or meal plan or do laundry or whatever. IN most cases, they are able to do more than others in the house. However, it doesn't mean that they should do ALL of it like OP was implying. IMO, every person who is a member of the house should have things to do to make the house run efficiently to the standards of the house (not just one individual). Just because a ftwohp has a partner who is a sahp doesn't mean he/she can foist ALL of the household work on the sahp.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 5:49pm
DD2,my kid who doesn't eat breakfast is my grumpy one.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 5:57pm

but what he is expecting from her she might be expecting in return from him.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 6:03pm
a funny IRL story.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 6:03pm
I am not understanding your point. My post was in response to the suggestion that the wife shouldn't have to be like a mother to her dh. In return, her dh shouldn't have to be like her daddy either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 8:04pm
Where's daddy_gil?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2001
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 8:35pm
If you feel that way, why are you responding to me? In my post, I clearly said the children should help out and so should the spouse. I never said a sahm should be responsible for all housework or be a slave to anybody. Cooking most meals doesn't mean cooking every single night. A marriage is a partnership, and IMO neither should be the sole dictator of how clean or unclean a house is kept. It's just as bad for a sahm to say this is how it is, your standards aren't my standards, live with it, do it yourself, or find somebody else to do it as it would be for a spouse to say this is how it is, I bring home the paycheck, I decide how the money is spent, your standards on how to spend money aren't the same as mine, deal with it.

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