Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 10:16pm
I don't think that's funny, I think that is perfectly reasonable. I have done shift work in the past, and that is how we handled it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 2:01am
Oh, honey. "can't sleep past 7:30a even on Saturday" barely qualifies you as a morning person. ;) Even when I worked days, the latest I EVER slept was 5:30a. And now that I'm on nightshift and used to eating lunch at 3:30a, it's rare I sleep past 3am on weekends--by then I'm dreaming about lunch :)

************

Kitty

The horrifying consequences of underaged
baking cannot be overstated.--me, because there's nothing you can't learn from teh
interwebz

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 2:03am
Saddam Hussein's wives had servants.

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Kitty

The horrifying consequences of underaged
baking cannot be overstated.--me, because there's nothing you can't learn from teh
interwebz

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 2:09am

I think the issue here is one of timing. She's to fix and feed the kids dinner at a normal time (let's say 6 because I'm too lazy to scroll back at this moment). Then he wants ANOTHER meal, fixed and ready, with her there to greet, serve, converse, 8 hours later at 2am. Then he wants her up and feeding the kids before school (6 to 7am-ish again), this time, 4-5 hours later, and one would presume with the whole marriage thing, dh might want sex occasionally, too. (presumably between the 2am feeding and the 6am feeding.

Then breakfast again, 5 hours later at 11am. Plus caring for the home and the baby during the day and the kids after school.

So when is she supposed to be SLEEPING? At MOST, he's giving her 6 hours and that's if the kids go to bed the second dinner is over (presumably there's expected prep time for these home cooked meals he expects).

To the OP: Dude, you work shift work. You're not going to see your family as often as someone working days. That's just the way things go. Be glad you see them more often than traditional 2nd shifters.

************

Kitty

The horrifying consequences of underaged
baking cannot be overstated.--me, because there's nothing you can't learn from teh
interwebz

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 5:52am
I think he posted and ran.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 6:59am
I wouldn't want him for a husband regardless.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 7:02am
Me, neither. I'm much too practical for that; I want the servants! ;)

************

Kitty

The horrifying consequences of underaged
baking cannot be overstated.--me, because there's nothing you can't learn from teh
interwebz

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 7:07am
lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 10:09am

Why do you think that is?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 09-11-2009 - 10:20am

now, now. if everything were going The Way Things Should Be, the nice man would have no complaint. i've been a sahp, and when i was i did the majority of the housework and

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