Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 10:18pm

< If so, since i dont consider a 11 month old to be infant>

So you're outside of the norm from the get go...Good to know.

Nope. 7yo can get dressed, breakfast and to the bus stop. My personal comfort assumption is that 11yo is accompanying that child. Buddy system for all, I'm cool with that.

to get out of bed for a short period of time to see their kids on their way for the day, then back to sleep to noon!>

Well, that's your assumption that is not part of the, er, actual debate. The parent may stay up late due to any number of factors, personal choice, infant-driven, or something else. I may make a different assumption that the parent is preparing the breakfast, lunch, and setting out the clothing because of the weird sleeping patterns of the ancient infant or the lifestyle of the parent. If the children are not neglected, who cares? If a child has clothing, breakfast, lunch, and a way to school, how is that neglect?

Really? you think you've hit a nerve? Where?

I made every breakfast, every lunch, and drove and met my children at the bus stop until they were 10yos. I'm pretty sure that my way isn't the only way, but it was my choice. I'm ok with people making different reasonable choices, and a 7yo and 11yo getting themselves off in the morning when the sah has an infant, sounds pretty reasonable to me.




Edited 3/4/2010 10:20 pm ET by chestnuthooligan
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 10:24pm

nt.

Never mind.




Edited 3/4/2010 11:15 pm ET by finally.me




iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 10:33pm

Thanks for checking...

btw - do you think that being awake in the morning counts for good parenting? right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 10:58pm
I'll take that as a no. Geez.














iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 11:02pm
I'm sure it was really unclear? Geez back at ya.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 11:03pm
?














iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 11:10pm
?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 11:14pm
Look, all I did was ask a question. Sorry if it was a stupid one. I'll go delete it and you can stop rolling your eyes at me and repeating what I post (or continue, I dunno).














iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 11:22pm

Well, If you asked a legitimate question, I might answer it. But you chose to be snarky. It was your response and I answered it in kind.

Do you expect a serious response?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 1:18am
In your opinion. In our opinion, your opinion of its relevance is ... well ... irrelevant.

************

Kitty

"I would make a long list, but that would take too much time and I have stuff to do like taking over the world and cooking cheese spaghetti."

************

Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

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