Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 11:02am

And again, just because a parent is not waking up, doesn't mean a parent is not making themselves available or that it means a parent doesn't care, is unfeeling, the children are forces do carry on on their own

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 11:04am

Yes I was agreeing, I'm sorry if that wasn't clear....


So what did you make for dinner last night?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 11:22am

Dont be confused,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 11:33am

<<<IF both parents are home, while the kids are getting ready on their one (as in the op), you don't know that they aren't available and unless they have left strict instructions (unknown) and locked their door (again, unknown) you don't know that they aren't available.>>>


you just quoted my response to that. the problem isn't that the children are somehow barricaded from access to the parents, it's that if they need or want anything that requires the parent's help, they are stuck deciding whether they consider it worth waking their parents

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 11:43am
n/t

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 11:46am

<>

Yes, he is home during a portion of the day. But she is home for a much larger portion of the day (at least 10-12 hours more per day than him). It seems only fair to me that a person who is home more should be more responsible for household tasks overall.















Avatar for mommy2amani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 12:17pm

<if they need or want anything that requires the parent's help, they are stuck deciding whether they consider it worth waking their parents

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 1:34pm

Oh, I wasn't confused....not at all.


You're lucky, corn and strawberries are not in season here yet, four more months until we get the taste again of corn on the cob and strawberries, since we have used up all of the frozen ones in the freezer...


I'm always interested in new pizza dough recipes, can you share?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 1:53pm
This debate is going on so long, the kid is probably close to 2 years old now, LOL

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 1:56pm
Dang, it's only 10 am here & the lunch mob has already come and gone? Geez I miss everything!

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

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