Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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Avatar for mommy2amani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 2:57pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 2:57pm
sure,
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:08pm

I agree about the communication, don't know much about flylady though...I'm sure my cleaning standards would put me in the irresponsible parent/wife department.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:09pm

That is why assumptions should never be made about things. Some children DO need a parent to be "on top" of them for things for years. It does NOT mean the parent is not trying to teach them. It does NOT mean the child will not know how to take care of themselves when they leave home.
Not sure why you would feel MORE blessed than anyone else though. I think you might just MAKE your routine simplier by doing less than some people do. That could be because of the personalities of your family or you choose to do less and choose to have less maintenance for yourself and your home.
Some people also feel it important to forgo things to spend more time with their children, like sleep.
People ARE different. Children ARE different.

"You know....something I have learned today, for some children it seems to be a gigantic task to get ready for school in the morning, who knew that it was so detailed and complex for some families? I had no idea that there were kids who were not capable of making some simple basic decisions for themselves and need their parents to hover constantly in order for a morning to run smoothly, that the parents are needed (not to be just present in the house) but awake and alert at the ready for any unpredictable incidental needs and wants!
I have learned that I'm blessed to have a such a simple morning routine, I'm clearly not capable of addressing the type of morning routines that you are addressing that are so complex and detailed that would cause such strain, confusion, and conlfict on the poor child without a constant parent present, that is awake and ready and willing to guide the child through this complex morning routine. My apologies for not understanding the highly detailed and complex nature of the morning routine of some children."

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:16pm
LOL, nah - if it isn't putting a strain on the relationship and it isn't putting anyone's health at risk, I think you're in the clear.














iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:22pm

My understanding of the post is the parent needs to be at the ready so the child isn't stuck deciding whether they consider it worth

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:26pm

Thanks, what type does she make?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:28pm

Um...what is it that you think I am assuming?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:28pm

sure did! You told me that Iam at liberty

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:30pm

LoL....I don't know, dh might tell it differently!

PumpkinAngel

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