Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:31pm

i'm thankful for easy morning routines, too.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:33pm

Me too, did I say differently anywhere?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:33pm
Ditto
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:40pm
It's not the point that the parents are just home. The mother in this story seems not to be very involved in the children's lives (from the information we are given from the father). If the father works 10-12 hours, that would mean he would get home from 12am-2am. Even if she stays awake until he gets home, she could get 5-6 hours of sleep to wake up for the elementary school children. And..she could go back to sleep if she felt like since the 11 month old sleeps later.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:43pm
"my cleaning standards would put me in the irresponsible parent/wife department."

That could also lead to your "easier" morning routine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:46pm

Where did you say that?

It looks like from your many posts that you think that a child of 7 and 11 are capable of taking care of themselves in the morning to get off to school.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:49pm

Seems being the key word there, which of course is an assumption.


Not every child needs hovering, I think a great deal of children don't need hovering parents for situations like this.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:51pm

I'm all about easy in life, why make it more complicated and harder?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:51pm
I love that you mentioned the reheating of leftovers! My DH loves to rib me on that as well. Yesterday he came home and (jokingly) said "Where's my dinner, woman?". I pointed to the fridge and he said "I have to beat you now". LOL!














iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:51pm
I am not sure what is considered "easy" though. Just because a parent gets up with their children and might have to ask them a few times to make sure they have this or that, or if they are ready to go doesn't necessarily mean it is "hard". It might just be the personality of the person that they get stressed over certain things that other do not.

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