Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:55pm

"Not every child needs hovering, I think a great deal of children don't need hovering parents for situations like this. Some do of course, but to assume that is the case in the op, is just that.....an assumption."

I never said hovering. Calling out "how are you doing, don't forget to do this or that" is not what I consider hovering. Some children can work with a routine and some can not.
And..I was never speaking about the op in this way.

"Of course, the father is also at home...he could be more involved, you know since he works so much and is gone 10-12 hours (leaving at 2pm), this would be a perfect time for him to step in and be involved!"

Why if he is working 50-60 or more hours a week should he be the one getting up in the morning when the mother is a sahm? It doesn't sound like in his post that she does much for her children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:57pm
While some things can make life easier, in reality life IS hard. There are things we don't want to do but do it either for ourselves or others. People should think twice before they choose to do things, like own a home, get married, have children if they think it will be "easy". Things get sacrificed that shouldn't :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 4:00pm

A quick search on the word and me posting, reveals.....post 261, 446, 538, 562....do you need more?


<child of 7 and 11 are capable of taking care of themselves in the morning to get off to school.>>


Some children, yes I believe that they can...all children, no.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 4:06pm
Thanks but I don't have time to go looking back. I have followed this thread and have read many times you believe a child of 7 and 11 can easily get up on their own, get dressed and ready, and out the door by themselves without waking up a parent.
Even if a child of those ages can, it doesn't mean they should or that the parent does not want to spend that time with them before they leave in the morning.
Unless there are extreme circumstances, I feel a parent should be awake for their children and see them off to school. They don't have to get dressed or walk to the bus stop if they feel the child is mature enough to do so themselves.
Unfortunately there are many parents out there who should not have become parents and didn't realize that their needs don't come first anymore and that it is not always "easy".
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 4:09pm

You didn't say calling out either, all you said that it wasn't good enough to just be at home.


<>


The post that I responded to was about the op...so if you weren't talking about what was in the post, I'm not following because I was addressing that post.


<mother is a sahm? It doesn't sound like in his post that she does much for her children.>>


Because that's the only time during the week that he would have with his children and it seems to bother him?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 4:12pm

Right, that's what I said....so why make it harder, on purpose?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 4:15pm

"You didn't say calling out either, all you said that it wasn't good enough to just be at home."

Not calling out from bed but from another room where you are awake and up and doing things.

<>

"Because that's the only time during the week that he would have with his children and it seems to bother him? Sounds like a fine solution, actually. From the post, it doesn't sound like she does much for him, which seems to be the problem."

Did he say that? He did say that he was a homebody and was home during the weekend. I would think he would be spending his time with his kids then.
From the post, it doesn't sound like she does much for anyone but herself which seems to be the problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 4:15pm

<<Thanks but I don't have time to go looking back. I have followed this thread and have read many times you believe a child of 7 and 11 can easily get up on their own, get dressed and ready, and out the door by themselves without waking up a parent. >>


Yes, I do "a child"...."a child" doesn't mean every single solitary child in the world...


<parent does not want to spend that time with them before they leave in the morning. Unless there are extreme circumstances, I feel a parent should be awake for their children and see them off to school. They don't have to get dressed or walk to the bus stop if they feel the child is mature enough to do so themselves. >>


If that's what the parent wants to do, great....but it's not neglectful or irresponsible because they don't, if the child is capable.


<>


I think there are many people who confuse wants and needs and I don't recall anyone saying that it's always easy, anywhere in this thread...


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 4:19pm

<>


Why?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 4:20pm

"Right, that's what I said....so why make it harder, on purpose?"

You are assuming that doing things for your children that others might is making life harder. Again, some people find things more stressful than others. I personally don't think it is hard to help my children in the morning or any other time of the day. It is worth it for me to not sleep in (as I am not a morning person either) and be there for my kids. It is one of the things I have sacrificed by having children. Before you know it they will be on their own and I can then sleep later. But now, I don't consider it making my life "harder" "on purpose".

<>

"I'm not sure how this fits in, well anywhere....can you provide the post where someone stated that they own a home, got married, and had children because they thought it was easy?"

Obviously this woman, in what we have heard from the husband is not cut out to take care of a home, husband and children. While this story might not be true, we all know there are plenty of people out there who have the same lifestyle as the story.

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