Frustrated Dad
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Frustrated Dad
| Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am |
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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"Yes, I do "a child"...."a child" doesn't mean every single solitary child in the world..."
If you felt like this, you should not have said it over and over again throughout this thread that you feel a 7 and 11 yr. old should be able to take care of themselves. And THEN...say how "blessed" you are that your children CAN take care of themselves and that you learned that not all kids CAN do so.
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"If that's what the parent wants to do, great....but it's not neglectful or irresponsible because they don't, if the child is capable."
No, it might not be considered neglectful or irresponsible in the eyes of the law but it really does say alot about the parenting of the parent.
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"I think there are many people who confuse wants and needs and I don't recall anyone saying that it's always easy, anywhere in this thread..."
Yes, many people confuse wants and needs and put themselves first BECAUSE it is easier than dealing with how hard life is.
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Why? What's the difference between calling out from laying in bed and calling out from another room? Actually, in our house my bedroom is a heck of a lot closer to the kids bathroom and bedrooms than I would say if I was doing laundry....two floors away and at the other end of the house."
Laying in bed is showing that you know what is going on but can't be bothered to actually get up and spend the time with your children. To me there is not much that would keep me from getting out of bed to see my children leave for school
"<From the post, it doesn't sound like she does much for anyone but herself which seems to be the problem>>
What does the weekend have to do with during the week? Actually the dh does detail out what she does for the other family members, the dh isn't happy with how she does it though...."
Because as many parents, the weekend is the time they have off to spend with their family. Many parents are out the door before their kids are up and don't come home until they are in bed. Unfortunately that means that the sahm has the brunt of the housework and child care.
I don't think many people would be happy with their spouse if they fed their children the way she does, the way she keeps up the house and the way she takes care of the husband. Would you be happy if you were the sole breadwinner and this is how your husband ran the household?
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Such as?
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I don't either, think it's hard that is, in fact I have said it was easy.
PumpkinAngel
Absolutely. What I don't understand is why a parent being awake to see the child off to school, especially at the ages of 7 and 11, is "hovering."
And beyond whether it's strictly necessary, I agree with those who said that just because a child is capable of seeing himself or a sibling off to school doesn't mean the child should take on that responsibility for the parent.
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Such as?"
That would be something you would need to answer. I know what I do for my children and it is the things that have been spoken about all throughout this thread. I don't find them to make my life "harder". I consider it what I do for my children because I chose to become a parent and never felt the need to make my life "easier".
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I don't either, think it's hard that is, in fact I have said it was easy. I have no clue about the rest of that paragraph, I haven't implied or stated anything in that context."
Yes, I can see you would find it easy that your children were getting themselves ready by the age of 7. Even though I know my child could take care of themselves at the age of 7 to the point that they wouldn't starve or go to school naked, I don't have a need to make my children "small adults" just so life could be "easier" for me.
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I don't think there is enough information to make such a judgement about the op."
Of course there is not but the lifestyle that this man has portrayed is one of others out there in this world. There is no doubt about that.
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That is what I said, I never stated that all children at the ages of 7 and 11
PumpkinAngel
~It might just be the personality of the person that they get stressed over certain things that other do not. ~
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Calling out from another
PumpkinAngel
"I never said hovering"
<<Absolutely. What I don't understand is why a parent being awake to see the child off to school, especially at the ages of 7 and 11, is "hovering." >>
I didn't say it was....what I said was hovering was in response to post 651, which was much, much more than simpy being awake.
A parent being there for the many little transactions happen between children and parents in the morning-- that, kids shouldn't have to sweat that stuff--worry that they are making the wrong choice about whether to do something or not as they leave a note instead of have a definitive and reassuring
PumpkinAngel
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