Frustrated Dad
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Frustrated Dad
| Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am |
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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Perhaps you should take the chain back and apologize since, there was no thumbs up...OPPS ;)
Oh dear, the spelling grammer police?
Except that you directly agreed with someone who WAS villifying those who use meds for depression.
You don't HAVE to apologize, of course. But you did agree with someone who was doing what you claim is not your position at all, so obviously you can see our confusion here.
Kitty
"I would make a long list, but that would take too much time and I have stuff to do like taking over the world and cooking cheese spaghetti."
************
Kitty
"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .
Dude, like my thread below wasn't a huge clue? Yup. I'm totally the grammar police, especially when it comes to using words that have a completely different meaning than what the author claims. (Such as 'lay/lie') As I said in the OTHER thread about SAHM or WAHM, it's important to our purposes here in debating that we're all working from the same set of meanings.
So yeah, grammar has a rather important role. Especially in a medium where we can't go by facial expressions or tone of voice. When all we have are the words, the words (and their meanings) take on special importance. it's the nature of the beast.
You can mock if you like, but refusal to recognize their importance will play a large role when people misunderstand you. If that's a consequence you can live with, that is, of course, your call. But no point in complaining later that people are NOT understanding you, since you *seem* to be making the point that you don't actually care.
Kitty
"I would make a long list, but that would take too much time and I have stuff to do like taking over the world and cooking cheese spaghetti."
************
Kitty
"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .
Oh, and you're right. I don't get my panties in a wad very often (although I've been known to bulldog a point to death a time or two in my life--no sense not copping to that one right off the bat!)
And I'm not really good at holding grudges either; as I once told someone who remarked at the fact that my ex (who cheated on me and then left me for the other woman and married her) and I get along, I'm all "I hate you! I HATE you!!! I haaaaate .... ooh, shiny! Did you see that?!?" ;)
Kitty
"I would make a long list, but that would take too much time and I have stuff to do like taking over the world and cooking cheese spaghetti."
************
Kitty
"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .
~o~ ...^^^... ~o~
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
Oscar Wilde
~o~ ...^^^... ~o~
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
Oscar Wilde
That sounds extreme and far more than making the kid get ready by himself in the morning.
But anyway, my kid got herself ready in the AM since early elementary. She hates getting up in the morning and she did not want to go to school, so if one of us was up with her she would take it out on us. The only solution was to leave her alone. Also, she was in desperate need of some extra challenge and this was one way to provide that. For similar reasons I have never been involved in her home work.
She is a straight-A student, has always been active in extra-curriculars, is an excellent artist, photographer, seamstress and musician, has many friends etc.
In the 3rd grade the kids went on their first overnight field trip. We had a very gruff and slightly scary secretary at the school, who had gone along on that trip. Dd had a great time, and a few days later I ran into the scary secretary. She looked at me sternly and asked if she could please see me for a minute about that field trip. My heart sank. What on earth had dd done. The secretary pulled me aside and suddenly broke into a warm smile and told me that it was so wonderful to have dd along, because she was by far the most capable and responsible kid she had seen in a very long time.
So, no, not all kids who get themselves ready in the AM turn into charity cases.
~o~ ...^^^... ~o~
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
Oscar Wilde
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