Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 6:36am
You may be right. Since I dislike him so much, I haven't seen any of those movies.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 6:51am
i don't know if uninvolved parenting means they're taking the easy road but i do think uninvolved parents and kids suffering in schools

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 6:55am

i get that sometimes from a mom i know who has only one child.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 7:21am
LOL at labels for parenting..to the right of this page is an IV questionaire, are you an alpha or slacker mom?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 7:24am

i'm a slacker so we balance each other outLOL

Hey I know you're on a FB fast but WHEN you check in I finally have my new living room furniture = pix are up-- it's so comfy I may never leave the house ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 7:49am

balance indeed, LOL.


FB has been easier to abstain from for lent, i don't like that new format over there..but i'll go peek, if not today, tomorrow.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 8:59am

Pot, kettle?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:01am

don't know if uninvolved parenting means they're taking the easy road but i do think uninvolved parents and kids suffering in schools

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:13am
Just like in so many other areas of life there is a huge range between being an uninvolved parent and an over involved parent. I think that most parents fall within that range. Some may lean more towards one side and others more towards the other but as long as they do fall within the range I would not consider them neglectful or helicopter but making parenting choices about what works best for their families.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:15am
Fortunately, there's a happy medium between being completely hands-off and hovering. IMO, kids don't benefit from either. I'd agree with you that "some independence," starting from a young age, is a good thing. However, I don't think that seeing a 7- and 11-yr-old off to school in the morning (or an older kid, for that matter) is in any way hovering.

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