Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 1:07pm
Well, at least she has her mother's garage....some people need all the support they can get.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 1:11pm

to only consider support in the financial sense is shallow.

 

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 1:12pm
Good point.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 1:26pm

<>


I spent 1.5 years on prozac (situational depression). Life was not "easy" on medication -- THAT's why I needed it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 1:35pm

You bothered your dd (twice!) when she was sleeping over a friend's house?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 1:48pm

IMO a call just to check in ( i'm thinking following morning

 

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 1:57pm

I find the amount of shoulds and musts in this thread, as to what constitutes involved and responsible parenting, quite silly. Like this calling during sleep-overs. I did usually call during sleep-overs, but usually to talk to the other parents about practical matters, like pick-up time etc. When the kids got older, I also called the other parents when I had extra kids at my house, just to make sure they knew where their kids were, as a courtesy.

But really, I think there are so many ways to be a good and responsible parent, that trying to make endless lists of which details must be attended to in what way is simply non-sensical.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 2:15pm
oh I never call liza at sleepovers -- if I don't get a call I know all is fine- she calls to say goodnight and sometimes she calls to come home... which is fine...but I'd rather not rock the boat by calling - f I call her she's likely to go down the 'I miss you and want to come home route" where if i don't she's more likely tu just have a good time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 2:17pm

during my dark times I "dealt" with more by noon than some people do in a lifetime..I dealt and dealt and dealt

and eventually I needed a littl help...and that medicinal help turned everything around

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 2:25pm

A call to check in *should* be done?

********
Ducky

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