Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 9:39pm
Sorry, I am not going to debate this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 9:40pm
Aha .. but I never claimed she was the first one to use the word.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 9:43pm

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Oh I can. Just two weekends ago, dh and I went to a restaurant just for dessert and a drink. I think we were gone just over an hour. It was a nice break away from the mundane everyday life. It was a nice simple hour with just the two of us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 9:46pm
That's great. I can't see paying someone to just go out to dinner though. Did you pay a sitter or did your leave your children home?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 9:52pm

Wow. That's really too bad then. I empathize.

Some of my family can be a pain, but they are always there when I need them. They've rarely let me down and I hope it's reciprocal.

I hope your immediate family and friends can offer you the support for all your needs. If they can't, seeking psychotropic help is not a weakness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 9:53pm

This past time we just left them. Love that they're old enough to do that now.

But we've done it a number of times before and hired a sitter for 2 hours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 9:56pm

You've never paid a babysitter to go out to dinner?

We did it about 10 times a year for 13 years just to eat somewhere that didn't have a children's menu. It was our date night.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 9:58pm
Thanks. They just can't understand the things we go through raising our children. Not sure if many of them would be strong enough to deal the way we do. We are determined to do our best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 10:00pm
Cool. We are able to leave our dd for awhile too. It is nice and our son gets some attention from just us that he never got from being born 2nd :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 10:02pm

I've paid sitters twice in 11 1/2 yrs.


Once when we got tickets to a broadway play and my free sitter was unavailable (she was the one who got us the tickets but then plans came up-lol!!). We hired one of the teachers from daycare.


Once my dd was sick and daycare would not let her come back the next day and I HAD to go to work as did my dh and I paid my sil to watch her because I called her last minute and she didn't go to work and lost pay that day.

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