Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:23pm
I can understand that. But you're still making your life out to be oh-so-very-hard that no one can understand or that no one else has a life as hard. Which is, quite frankly, bullcrap.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:26pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:27pm

The point is that you were not the only one when I said "support" immediately thought and posted "financial" support. Why is that?


I answered that, but here it is again:


it's a biggie, and it's tangible.

********
Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:27pm
Sigh. No one assumed you meant ONLY financial. But when you say NO support, you have to mean NO support. And you do/did have support .. the financial kind. So your statement was false.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:29pm

No, I have said over and over family and friends have never been through what we have and they do NOT understand.


I never said my ENTIRE life was "oh-so-very-hard" or that "no one else has a life as hard". That is really reaching.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:29pm
When our DDS got to be teens in some ways it harder to get some alone time. We no longer had time in the evening after they went to bed because they went to bed after me. So we started doing our midweek grocery errands together in the evening. Nothing exciting about buying a gallon of milk but having DH to myself for about 30-45 minutes was great.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:33pm
Dh and I try to go to lunch together once a week. We can't always get it in, but we do quite often. It's never anything fancy, and it's not romantic, and we don't have deep, meaningful conversations, but it's some nice time together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:34pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:36pm

You are not understanding that both rollmops and featherfriends' FIRST response to "support" was financial. If they were not sure, they could have said what TYPE of support do you mean? Instead, they went straight to that.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:41pm

That does not answer the question why both you and rollmops ASSUMED I was speaking of finances.


It did answer the question, there really is nothing more to it than that.

********
Ducky

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