Frustrated Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Frustrated Dad
2943
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:28am
I really need some opinions on my situation. I am a 30 year old dad with 3 children. I work 10-12 hrs a day 5 days a week and every other Saturday. I am pretty much a homebody, the only time I really go out is on Sundays during football season to watch the games. I do what i need to in order to support my wife and kids. But I am at wits end with my wife and need some help.
My wifes day is as follows. She wakes up any where from 10am - noon (which means 2 of our children (11 and 7) wake up feed themselves and walk to school) at which point she will got downstairs to the kitchen to light a cigarette and call her sister or best friend. During the 1/2hr to an hour that she is on the phone she will make (for herself)and drink about 3 cups of coffee. At around noon when the baby wakes up (11 months) she'll feed him change his diaper and set him on the floor and mostly ignore him as she calls her mother. Usually around 12:30 she'll head out to do errands leaving me with the baby until 1:30 when she'll get home so I can rush out to work where I'm 20 minutes away from and need to be in by 2.
Heres the thing i have no problem being the sole financial gainer in the house hold but I expect certain things. I guess thats the reason for this post to find out if my expectation are to lofty. I expect her to get up in the morning with the children make them breakfast help them pick out cloths make sure they have their homework and send them off to school( I would even help in the morning but i got sick of waking up in the morning while shes still sleeping when i was the one at work last night). I would like breakfast every once in a while made when i wake up i don't expect it but it would be nice. I would like the baby up before 11am I just don't think he should be sleeping that long. i expect laundry the be cleaned, folded and put away! The laundry in our house gets washed and dried them it usually ends up on the dining room table for half the day then it makes its way over to the living room where its folded and left on the couch for a day or two (is it to much to ask to have it put away). I expect the house clean! Cleaning the kitchen for her consist of of doing the dishes and mopping the floor! Cabinets, frig, counters, stove maybe once a month. Cleaning the dinning room consist of her wiping the table and vacuuming one area of the carpet. Bathroom, living room are cleaned in the same manner and the children's room and bedroom upstairs can go months without cleaning! I expect lunch made before i got to work! No breakfast and lunch not even a packed lunch/diner!I expect a home cooked diner for my children! Not pizza, macaroni or canned spaghetti!!! Is this to much to ask? i expect diner when I get home, real food not something she sends me on yoville or farmtown, which she's on until 2am!! DO I EXPECT TO MUCH? I thought these where to things a stay at home mom did? Are my expectations to old school? I need answers I feel like I'm being taken advantage of and I don't know how much longer I can last.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:42pm

You said no support. That was a false statement, whether you intended it to be or not.

Just like if I said "I've had no support from my parents." It would be perfectly justified for someone to say "I thought your parents drive your kids to and from your xh's, and I thought your parents have kept your kids for extended periods of time during the summers." Instead of getting peeved at them for ASSUMING I meant emotional support, I'd simply say "Oh, no, I meant financial support. I get all kinds of emotional support from them."

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:45pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sat, 03-06-2010 - 11:48pm
You can make this out to be whatever you think. It is crystal clear from both rollmops and featherfriend's 1st "support" posts to me, they assumed I was speaking of financial support and let me know in a few ways how I was wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 12:12am
Anyway, now we all know that you get no EMOTIONAL support from your family.














Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 3:00am
Like your sister taking the kids for you or listening to your troubles?

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 3:01am
I guess we are back to the envelope idea.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 3:06am
Cool!

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 3:12am

Are they nasty about your troubles? WHat I mean is what is that they are not doing that you would like them to do?

ETA: I see from later posts that this is the problem, so disregard the question.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde




Edited 3/7/2010 5:13 am ET by rollmops2009
Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 3:19am
What "more" is there? When dh and I go out we go out for a drink or go out for dinner. We always have. What other things do you want to do?

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
In reply to: daddy_gil
Sun, 03-07-2010 - 3:21am
I am not sure exactly what you mean, but I can relate to some extent. The thing is, though, that it is not necessarily fair to expect them to understand, and most people will automatically assume that the troubles are due to poor parenting. Not true, and not fair, but just reality.

~o~ ...^^^... ~o~

America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

Oscar Wilde

Pages