Full-time Nanny with SAHP - Why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Full-time Nanny with SAHP - Why?
1258
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 6:41pm
Something I've often wondered about, but never had the opportunity to ask. Why do SAHM or SAHD need a full time nanny, especially when they aren't working from home. I can easily see the need if the SAHP is a WAHP, but what is the logic for a full time nanny otherwise?

Any comments?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 1:51pm
How about this situation, I have known a couple of ladies who went by the theory that whatever my DH makes is the families, whatever I make is mine. Their DH's paychecks completely supported the families and their paychecks were completely theirs to do what they wanted with, for their self fulfillment. Are they more noble then a SAHM because they are using childcare while they work?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 1:51pm
I'm serious. There is one woman I know that you can count on seeing her photo and name in the paper every single week, usually more than once. DH and I laugh while we do our weekly "uber volunteer" sightings. It's pretty funny.

FTR, I think any sahm with older children in school all day who doesn't volunteer is a waste. Everyone should make some contribution, be it paid or unpaid.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 1:57pm
"As I said, ime, it is more of a volunteer situation. I weighed it out. My dd is unhappy, but it is a temporary situation."

You're OK with that. I wouldn't be.

"I am reluctantly going to work b/c I have issues with the system, however when I considered that I could make the difference between child abuse cases getting investigated in a much more timely fashion, as opposed to children being left at risk, I felt that I was obligated to those children in my community to make the sacrafice - temporarily"

You aren't making the sacrifice, your daughter is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 2:01pm
Question: When she switched to the "Party Mom" did her parenting change? Was she less attentive to you and seemed to care about your needs less? If so that may be a big part of the resentment. Not so much what she was doing when she was out but what she was not doing when she was home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 2:02pm
Who is assuming that sahm's with nannies are unavailable 40 hours a week? Certainly not me, I'm just responding to the posts which contend that. I know better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 2:03pm
Keep telling yourself that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 2:06pm
It wouldn't, especially if the mom in question has children in school anyway, and her working occurs when they're away from the house anyway. Actually I'd have to say that volunteering in that case is more noble.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 2:17pm
No, not really. Her basic parenting was much the same before and after...she just decided that the corporate world wasn't for her and she needed to "follow her bliss" (great phrase that describes exactly her attitude). The ways in which she followed her bliss just didn't seem a bit worthwhile to us. I don't think we would have minded it had it been pt, but this was a ft occupation for her and I guess that we really resented the fact that she couldn't be at home or easily available to us in the afternoons because of her social life.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 2:26pm
My daughter's sacrifice is that she would prefer to be at home with me. My sacrifice is financial, emotional (it's a dirty job but someone's gotta do it), and a time sacrifice. My dd will be adequately cared for. While she is not happy, she does manage fine. She complains about going, but once there enjoys herself. She is not suffering.

Edited to change *well cared for* to *adequately* cared for. I do not think that dc is a wonderful place and I would not place my children there if it were not a temporary situation. They are capable of *sucking it up* for a couple of months for the benefit of abused and neglected children, which btw, has been explained to them. Dd, while unhappy, feels that she is making a sacrifice for these children and has expressed some pride in herself for making that sacrifice. I totally believe that the optimal solution for *my children* is AH with a parent - either me or dh.


Edited 2/15/2004 2:30:48 PM ET by it_is_me_again

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 2:50pm
Since I don't think they had a full time nanny, but did have a variety of adult help from the community, I guess the answer would be no - no exceptions.

SUS

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