Future SAHM having panic attack

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2007
Future SAHM having panic attack
59
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 10:32am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 10:34am
Can you repost in darker "ink"? I can't read what you wrote, it is too faded.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 10:55am

I do not have a PhD, although I did once consider pursuing one. Why? Because being a college prof is reasonably flexible and most universities have decent benefits and leave policies. It seems to me one of those jobs that is fairly compatible with having a family to look after.

Why are you bent on being a SAHM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 10:58am

I am a WOHM with a PhD, three kids, and a tenured academic position. You know what the academic job market is like. The idea of getting a degree and taking a few years off and then expecting to be competitive for tenure track positions is not a good one. It might happen to one in ten thousand people, but it's not a "plan." Far better to stop at the Master's, have your kids, go back for the PhD and re-apply later.

Every assistant professor job we have has at least two hundred qualified applicants, most with glowing letters, publications, presentations, post-docs, etc. Someone with a dated degree and a few years teaching in the community colleges a few years back is going to have a hard time getting through the first round of reading applications. And remember that your advisor, even if he or she thinks you walk on water now, will likely have some freshly-minted PhD students on the job market at the time you decide to go back. Guess whose letters are going to be stronger?

Here's another little secret: There is NO time when your kids will be "old enough" that you will be able to ignore them for a few years while you concentrate on rebuilding your career. The first year or so of parenting,is completely consuming and life-altering, but you CAN take a year off or in most places, get your tenure decision delayed by one year while you are learning to combine parenting with your career. After that, it is no easier to parent a seven year old while working than it is to parent a two or three year old. In some ways, it's even harder.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 11:10am
Good advice, as always, but I do find it much easier to combine a full time job with parenting a 7 year old, versus a 2 or 3 year old. 7 year olds wake up at night much more seldom, and they're still too young to be unsupervised or have pre teen attitude or angst.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 11:24am
I found two or three year olds pretty simple. I'm smarter than your average two year old, so that was no issue, and interrupted sleep wasn't that big a deal for me past the first year or so. I find balancing school demands, extra curricular demands, dealing with all the social demands of older kids much more complex than outsmarting a two year old who doesn't want to put his shoes on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 11:43am

Two year olds are much more tiring to corral while awake than are 7 year olds!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 11:48am

I think that all depends on the child though. My dd is 9 and only does 2 "extra" things so running around with her is not that bad. Once my ds starts doing things next year, it will then get a little more hectic.

About the sleeping issue...my ds still, at 4 1/2, gets up in the middle of the night so it is a rare occassion I sleep through the entire night. Then both of them get up anytime between 5am-6am-uggghhhh!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 12:20pm
Two year olds are really cute, though, and easy to amuse with some blocks or a jar of buttons or something cheap. And I know you have a nanny, but most people don't, and between school, piano lessons, t-ball, cub scouts, orthodontist appointments, parent-teacher conferences, brown bag lunches and other school-related activities where they insist that parental participation is a plus, and mercifully I don't remember what all else, I started to feel like Eisenhower trying to coordinate the D-Day invasion. It's been nine years since my first child was seven, and I am starting to think that Eisenhower had it easier. The US involvement in WWII was only about five years long, wasn't it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 12:43pm
Aside from the fact that we didn't/don't have the money for me to be a SAHM, I was in EXACTLY the same position as you (right down to it being a developmental psychology degree). Listen to Lois's suggestions. They're spot on.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 1:50pm
It is also a personality thing, though. I am with PNJ, the neediness of the toddler drove me nuts and I do not find them the least bit cute. Teens, OTOH, I find touching for some reason. It takes all kinds, I guess. As far as advice for OP, I would say that you never know which kind you will turn out to be before you are in the middle of it.

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