Getting married soon. Here's my plan

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Getting married soon. Here's my plan
31
Mon, 05-26-2003 - 8:44pm
I just thought I would type out my tentative plan for our future, to see what happens (I lurk here often).

I am getting married the Friday after Thanksgiving. My fiance works full time and I work 2 part time jobs. We are both debt free, I have about 1,500 saved up and he has about 2300 saved.

After we get married, he is going to pay the bills and my money from my two part time jobs is all going to go into our savings. When we decide to have a child in a few years, I am going to stop working until the kids go to school. The money that we will have saved up by then can serve as a safety net.

Everyone says that stay at home moms are less than best role models for their daughters. I figure, that since I will be working when my children are school age, they can still look up to me.

My fiance and I are in total agreement and peace about our plan. I have always wanted to stay at home with children especially at a young age, however, my family and some of our friends do not agree with women staying home. I come from the kind of family where women can be anything in the world except a stay at home mom. But I am convinced that I am going to do it, and not give up.

Thanks.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 05-26-2003 - 11:07pm
"Everyone says that stay at home moms are less than best role models for their daughters"

No, not everyone says that. I don't say it. My DH doesn't say it. Many of the SAHMs on this board don't say it either. I'm confident that I do not need to WOH to be a positive role model for my daughter.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-26-2003 - 11:12pm
<<"Everyone says that stay at home moms are less than best role models for their daughters" >>



And neither do a whole bunch of the WOHMs (and even the WAHMs). In fact, such comments appear to be limited to the militant WOHMs, who no more represent the majority of WOHMs than the militant SAHMs represent the majority of SAHMs. Thanks for addressing that point :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 05-26-2003 - 11:54pm
Sorry I left WOHMs off the list. ;-) I'm just so afraid to generalize - even when I'm saying something nice. *grin*

 

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 9:26am
"Everyone" says that? Well, you know that's not true. Maybe you feel think that "everyone" in your own family says that. You'll find on this board that very few people say that.

You should probably do whatever feels right for you and your family and the heck with what "everyone" else says. This is your life. If you feel comfortable and happy with the choices you've made, that's all that matters.

Congrats on your future marriage.

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 9:27am
I think that living your life the way YOU want it lived is the best role model you can give your children. I think it is very poor role modeling to live your life according to somebody else's expectatations. When your children are young they will not understand you are doing this, but as they grow older they will and they will be stuck in the same unhealthy trap of satisfying the expectations of others instead of themselves. I don't think positive role modeling is tied to work status. I think it is tied more to your own sense of living life the way you want it lived. All kinds of mothers can be good role models.

So if you think staying home when your kids are young you should do so. But if you want to be a good role model to your children you should live your life according to YOUR standards, not someone else's and stop worrying about whether you should have job or not. Make the decision that is right for you and your family (that decision can change over time).

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 11:24am
ITA!
Avatar for karenester
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 11:35am
Just a word of caution: plans change and life doesn't always happen the way we forsee things.

personally, i think the best plan is to be flexible and adapt to whatever is the best solution for your family in the moment, having the maturity to change your mind when need be, and to change your standards when need be.

I wish you an intersting life. (I always think an intersting life is a better goal than mere happiness.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 3:00pm
"Plans change and life doesn't always happen as we foresee things."

I KNOOOOWWW that. Sorry, I forgot that when you don't add one little detail on a messageboard, it means that tou DIDN'T think of it at ALL.

Thanks to everyone who encouraged me to do whatever I wanted to do and not what everyone else wanted me to do.

But I have a question- if that's truly the way you all feel (that one should do as she pleases) then how come so many of you on here bash EACH OTHER'S choices for being different from your own?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 3:07pm
Because some people (and we can all fall into it from time to time) post like the right choice for them is the right choice for everyone. And we each have strong feelings about certain values (education, child care, etc., etc.).

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2003
Tue, 05-27-2003 - 3:22pm
By these "some people" who think that their choice is "the best choice for everyone", who do you mean- the ones who have made the opposite choice as YOU? What bothers you more? The fact that those women "think their choice is the best one for everyone" or that they have made a choice different than your own?

(Not everyone wants to be a corporate attorney)

Pages