Girls

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Girls
48
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 11:24pm

I would like to hear your thoughts on this topic - in our town - and I do not in anyway think we are unique. There are girls - who are fully capable young women - who have recently had babies. These girls are the one and two years out of school girls - all who did not leave school with a plan. None are married and only one is really in a committed relationship with the father of the baby. I have contended in more than one research paper for school that girl's sometimes get pregnant because they want their future to pick them instead of actually chasing their own dreams or making a real decision about their futures. Think about this as the range of social issues that go into this.


What are your thooughts about this? let's not do the right or wrong thing - and I don't think this is only about girls (lol cleary they are having sex with someone) I think the boys give up on themselves. So, how do we teach our children to believe in thier dreams and be willing to take action on them?

Courtney


You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope some day you'll join us....


Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 5:25am

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 7:37am

I do agree that it can be hard making the transistion from childhood to adult and one of the things that can be the hardest is replying on yourself to make decisions instead of someone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 8:04am

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 11:48am

>So, how do we teach our children to believe in their dreams and be willing to take action on them?<

I don't think that is the whole solution. I think that our society artificially prolongs childhood into the early twenties. Because of this, teens aren't given the tools or the opportunity to practice mature decision making. Balancing a checkbook, understanding credit and compound interest, budgeting are way too often left out of the curriculum. High school too often is presented as 3-4 years of having fun--homecoming, football games, prom, and dates--instead of being a preparation for life. High school also has become an approved way for parents to relive their teen years.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 11:59am

In the past, girls did have a more realistic idea of what having a baby really means. It wasn't uncommon for a teen to have toddlers as siblings or to be an aunt/uncle at a young age. Now, many kids have no experience with having to deal with infants and toddlers on a day to day basis. All they see is the glamour that the media shows.

cHris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 1:24pm
I agree. I don't necessarily think these girls have given up on dreams. My guess is that they don't actually have specific dreams to give up on. Maybe the problem is that their ability to imagine and fantasize about an exciting adult life got squashed somewhere along the way and now they are, as you say, letting their futures pick them. Maybe the problem is that they're supposed to "be realistic" too early on. And that they gave up on dreams sometime around age 8 or 9 so that by the time they get to highschool, the very idea of "when I grow up" no longer has a dream attached. Maybe when a little girl says, "I want to be a singer like Miley Cyrus" we shouldn't tell her how implausible this is but instead roll with it and encourage her to join choir or similar. That way a space stays open in her head for "when I grow up" instead of shutting down and just drifting through her own life. It doesn't matter if dreams are implausible. The important thing is that kids keep a space in their head for visions of their future self so they don't default to something like this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 1:37pm

You think people shouldn't have a serious relationship until they're out of college????!!!!????!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 1:39pm
Very good point!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 1:44pm
Another very good point! Maybe one thing that kept me pregnancy free was having a toe in the adult world so I didn't feel the need to adultify myself with a baby. I had an afterschool job, a checking account and a free reign over my school choices that seems rare these days. My parents wre only aware of what classes I took when the report card came. And they just checked that I wasn't flunking out as such. You could be right, here, too. These girls may be trying to adultify themselves because everything around them conspires to remind them that they are immature, irresponsible and not to be trusted with literally any decisions. So they force the issue and ram themselves into adulthood in the most irreversible way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 2:19pm

i don't disagree with you.

 

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