Girls

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Girls
48
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 11:24pm

I would like to hear your thoughts on this topic - in our town - and I do not in anyway think we are unique. There are girls - who are fully capable young women - who have recently had babies. These girls are the one and two years out of school girls - all who did not leave school with a plan. None are married and only one is really in a committed relationship with the father of the baby. I have contended in more than one research paper for school that girl's sometimes get pregnant because they want their future to pick them instead of actually chasing their own dreams or making a real decision about their futures. Think about this as the range of social issues that go into this.


What are your thooughts about this? let's not do the right or wrong thing - and I don't think this is only about girls (lol cleary they are having sex with someone) I think the boys give up on themselves. So, how do we teach our children to believe in thier dreams and be willing to take action on them?

Courtney


You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope some day you'll join us....


Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 2:37pm
your situation sounds unique.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 3:27pm

As long as no statutory rape laws are being violated, I say "so what" to the kid (m or f) who is googly eyed in love and whose grades suffer. A span greater than 2 years gets into hinky territory and may be on the wrong side of statutory laws depending on the age of the younger person and if there is sex involved. I just KNOW I'm in the minority on this one but I don't think that a little grade slippage due to googly-eyed-ness is such a horrible thing. Also, parents can clamp down on dating and exact limits on how much a couple can see each other (most likely in the hopes that they will cease being a couple) but parents can't control googly-eyed-ness. That is absolutely out of parental hands. You can't control who a kid crushes out on. Only where they go and who with.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 3:40pm

My situation certainly wasn't unique in the 70's when I grew up. If it is now, that just proves sewchris's point about how today's teens have too little practice making

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 3:42pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 3:53pm
I think one of the big downsides to the "no dating till you're 18" rule is that it can give parents the idea that now they don't have to get into a gory-details sex talk with their kids. After all, if the kid isn't even dating, what's the point? Elsewhere I also posted that once a kid crosses a line it's that much easier to just keep walking. So I think my parents were wise not to draw the line in such a place as "no dating till 18". That just means that a mere date at 16 or 17 has crossed the line and it gets that much easier to just keep walking. Once you've already broken a parental taboo, why not break a few more? You're already in trouble so what's a little more trouble? Thankfully my parents didn't see it that way and I got a just-in-case birth control and STD talk from my mom and that was wise of her even though she probably felt nauseous while giving it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 4:05pm
ITA
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
In reply to: court527
Fri, 09-26-2008 - 4:56pm

This is right on target: "I think one of the big downsides to the "no dating till you're 18" rule is that it can give parents the idea that now they don't have to get into a gory-details sex talk with their kids."


It is much better to teach our young teens how to date rather than just forbid them to do it. I agree with whoever said that adolescence was too prolonged in this country (sewchris?). There seems to be this attitude that it's just childhood with more privileges and pricier toys, when it should be a time of preparation for adulthood. The real purpose of dating (or courtship, as they called it in the old days) is to learn what qualities you want and don't want in a permanent mate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: court527
Sat, 09-27-2008 - 12:56am

Oh - I wholeheartedly agree with your statement that we extend childhood and not give kids the tools they need. I think that is part of it - I actually was pondering this in the car this evening - I wonder if in the land of everything has to be fair and the conversation is always about college but we forget to have kids plan their lives. Have we as parents focused our society too much on the youth culture and as a result are "stunting" our children's transition into the real world?


I have a story I use as a hand out in workshops that talk abotu a farmer who found a butterfly struggling to get out of it's coccoon. The farmer felt bad for the butterfly and wanted to help so he loosened the shell that was restricting the wings. But what the farmer did not know was the struggle to get out of the shell helped the butterfly to be strong and drained the body of excess fluid. Because the farmer helped the fluid was never drained and the butterfly never flew because of the kindness of the farmer the butterfly did not get what it needed to live its life fully.


The message is clear but the practice is hard. I think popularity is definately given more importance than maturity. I swear when I have my MA I am writing a book on this! Kids do not get the adult lessons they really need. It is funny though - some parents condone underage drinking and young sex but money and careers never get put on the table - ugh!

Courtney


You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope some day you'll join us....


Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: court527
Sat, 09-27-2008 - 1:07am

I think there are lots of things that we envision when our children are in the early double digits that go by the wayside when the reality of hormones kick in. I have seen a number of kids just drop off the face of the earth with my boys - even kids who have great parent support.


Learning to be in relationships is one of the adult things kids learn in high school. Many girls ( like I was) just want a boy to look at them and some do think the whole scene is ridiculous. The trouble is every last one would like to get at least on invite to the prom.

Courtney


You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope some day you'll join us....


Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
In reply to: court527
Sat, 09-27-2008 - 11:42am

Part of the extending childhood stems from the end of WWII. Returning GIs needed jobs so women and teens were "encouraged" to leave the job market. And with the artificial affluence of the 50s, there was no perceived need for large segments of women and teens to work to support the family. Especially teen boys. Prior to WWII, it was usual for boys to end their schooling with 8th grade while some girls were able to continue their education to become teachers, nurses, telephone operators, or secretaries. They also learned how to manage the household in high school. It was frequently a finishing school for girls.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett