A good argument for staying home

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2007
A good argument for staying home
1429
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 1:58pm

Help.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 2:17pm
Honestly, if he's not supportive of it then it's very possible that in the grand scheme of things, staying home with her may not be the best thing for her or for any of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2007
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 2:52pm

How can it not be in her best interest to be raised by her mother?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 3:08pm

Maybe your husband understands that the children of working parents are not being raised by someone else.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 3:32pm

The daycare provider won't raise her. That will still bedone by you and your dh. Believe me, there is so much more to raising a child than being the one to change their diapers all the time. That is truly the least of it. If working really got in the way so much, kids would never be influenced by their fathers (assuming they are working) and yet we all know they are despite the fathers being gone at least 40 hrs/week.

If your dh doesn't want you to SAHM, believe me, there will be problems. Read the SAHM=zero respect thread all the way through and you will get a taste. One thing to be sure of though is that your dh is on board with sharing household duties too. Maybe you already have a 50/50 split regarding home care/cooking etc. now and you need to maintain that. If you don't and you are already doing the bulk of the housework and cooking, there is the danger that he won't step up and then you will be exhausted and fusrious. So don't worry about your baby. Your baby will be fine and will still be raised by you and your dh. But do make sure that you discuss thoroughly how he will be doing housework or cooking or childcare himself when he comes home.

I say all that because I have seen (a couple times IRL) men who just assumed that their wives would do all the housework and cooking and errands and post-work childcare AND hold a full time job and their own workloads would not increase at all. That's a bad situation. There are some women who SAHM because they know that even if good childcare is available in their area, they will STILL be in charge of literally everything in the house and so figure if that is the case, they'd better be home more hours to do it. But that issue isn't about raising the kids. Parents do that regardless. If your dh is already doing things around the house and/or cooking meals at least once a week, the prognosis is better for him stepping up.

Your dd will only be a baby once. Very true. But her babyhood is only 1 year out of the 18 that you will have to raise her. And as she ages, you will realize that who changes her diapers several times a day isn't actually who raises her. Just as the teachers who will spend hours teaching her how to read and multiply aren't raising her either.

Perhaps one option is to cut your hours at work. That all depends on the job. Some jobs simply will not allow it and some jobs have several part time positions. That way you hold onto your job, keep your foot in that door and bring home some money but also have more time at home. It's a best-of-both-worlds situation. (It's what I do so that's why I'm such a booster for it.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2007
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 3:43pm

Maybe some of these links will help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 3:55pm

I almost took the time to give a well-thought response to this, until I took a closer look at the username.


Its just a troll ladies, just a little troll passing through on its way to its house under the bridge...

Dj


"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~


Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2007
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 5:12pm

HUH?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2007
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 5:13pm
Thank you so much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 5:25pm
I don't believe that it is better for your baby that you stay home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 5:28pm

My well thought out response is not one you will like, I'm afraid.


First of all, the majority of posters here dont see a thing wrong with woh. There is no *better* or *worse* except for individual family situations. There is no credible evidence that your child will not be just fine if you work. Unfortunately, your marriage may not be just fine if you push your dh into this and he ends up resenting you-in which case you might end up a *single* working mom instead of just a working mom. Its not fair to insist or coerce someone when they are against it. You are going to have to figure out some level of compromise.


Why dont you let your husband stay home? Or better yet, why dont you both go part time and both have more time at home? Why does it have to be *you* as the sahp? Can you even afford to sah? What will that mean to your family financially-because sometimes part of being a good mom is sucking it up and providing part of the family's income. Have you done the math on this? I would suggest sitting down with your husband and finding out the particulars of why he is concerned, perhaps compromising in some way-you

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Pages