the grass is always greener?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
the grass is always greener?
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Thu, 07-03-2003 - 4:39pm
Hope you all don't mind a mostly lurker starting a new discussion! I was just curious about those of you who have done both SAH and WOH (but of course anyone else feel free to jump in). Did you ever have the feeling of "the grass is always greener"? I really enjoyed the years (about 2-2.5 years for each child) that I SAH, but I remember really longing to go back to work after they were about a year or 1.5 years old. Now that I am WOH more or less full-time (officially 80% but it still adds up to about 35-37 hours a week), I really enjoy it but sometimes think longingly of the time I was SAH. Just can't win :-). On the whole, I enjoy the work well enough that I know I wouldn't quit even if we had tons of money. But sometimes, like when the kids get really sick and dh and I have to juggle schedules for two weeks to cover them (because they never can get sick simultaneously, sigh!), I miss the flexibility I had with the kids when I was SAH. On the other hand, when I was SAH I really missed the intellectual and social interactions I get from working with a great group of people.

I think the kids gained a lot from me being SAH for the first couple of years, but now I also see them benefitting enormously from their school and daycare experiences. So does anyone else have kind of mixed feelings, no matter what they are doing?? And hopefully this all makes sense! I don't think very well after 10pm...


Laura

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 4:46pm
Well...when I SAH I definitely had some of the "Grass is Greener" feelings....and then I started to WOH and found out I'd been right! I never once wished that I could SAH again.

I'm just one of those people for whom SAH would never work. Right now, since I lost my job, I'm doing a very PT WAH job, and it's OK, but now that day care has ended (today was the last day) I'm going to really have to watch myself....being home (or anywhere) all day with my son (or anyone) drives me stark raving mad. I can predict the swift return of those grass is greener feelings!!

Hopefully I'll get another job REALLY soon!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 4:55pm
Yep.

There are pluses and minus to each and depending on how I am feeling day to day I can be thinking about that green grass on the other side or about the fact that what I am living is better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 4:56pm
Yea I think I was mostly right about WOH being a good thing for me and the family. I love the job and the people I work with and the kids have gained so much from daycare. The two things that really bug me are getting up extremely early in the morning and feeling guilty when staying home with sick kids.

The getting up in the morning thing I might as well get used to because now that ds is in school and dd will start in a year or so, we'll be getting up at the crack of dawn because of the school schedule SAH or not. The sick thing is harder because, even though I don't mind in the least staying home with sick kids and I always keep them home until they are really recovered and I have very understanding co-workers who tell me to take as much time off as I need (they all have kids and know the drill), I still feel kind of guilty for dumping my work on someone else.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 4:59pm
I think LIFE is all about mixed feelings.

There are very few things in life that one can feel completely, positively, consistently, all-the-time, the same about.

Marriage -- no matter how much we love our spouses, there are times they annoy the hell out of us. There are times when we say, ugh, to live alone would be great.

Jobs -- no matter how much we love our jobs, there are times we long to go home. There are times we get frustrated. Tehre are times we wanna quit.

EVERYTHING in life is ripe for mixed feelings.

So to expect parenting to be any different would be unrealistic. Maybe it happens, but its RARE.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 5:03pm
Oh definitely! But I just found for me that having seen all of the advantages of being SAH and all of the advantages of WOH (as well as all of the disadvantages of each), I just kind of miss some of the SAH advantages right now. Though I have a sneaking suspicion that if I were actually SAH again starting thinking about all of the advantages of WOH :-).

Laura

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 5:25pm
With all the fertilizer being hurled over the fence, the grass can't help but be greener, lol.

I've SAH and WOH. While there are days when I'd like to sleep in, I think the grass is greener on the WOH side.

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 5:33pm
I've always been a mom at home (my eldest is 21, youngest is 9). Once, about 14 years ago I thought about working but realized the only reason I was considering it was because I felt it was what others expected me to do and I wasn't in touch with friends who felt SAH was anything to be esteemed so I listened to the lie that said being at home didn't matter and wasn't important.

Fortunately, the voice of reason took over and I realized I wouldn't be happy taking my kids to daycare, working for a boss (too strong willed myself, I think! lol), and being away from home so much. I'm just a homebody at heart and thoroughly enjoy puttering around the house, doing things with my kids, doing creative hobbies, freelance writing from home, and all the other jobs a homemaker does (either full time or after work). I also made the decision to not be intimidated by anyone who felt I was wasting my time. I've never second-guessed my decision since then. I take time for myself and develop interests, especially now that the kids are older.

Even when my kids are all grown, I hope to be spending time with grandchildren. Somewhere in between I may decide to "go to work" outside the home, but only if I either find something I really enjoy or if our financial situation changes to the point that we need two incomes. But for now I'm enjoying my family and my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 5:34pm
I am thinking about going back to WOH just to avoid the telemarketers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 5:40pm
ROFLMAO!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 8:26pm
Without getting flamed, may I ask what it is about being home with your son all day that drives you mad? I'm just curious...C

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