Guiltathon! Woo hoo!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2008
Guiltathon! Woo hoo!
331
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 11:30am

I started lurking on this board when I decided to return to teaching, and already I’ve seen the following scenario played out in excess: Person A says, “I avoid daycare because I want to raise my own children” and Person B responds with, “Are you saying people who work don’t raise their own children?” Cue drama.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 1:32pm

"That it would be okay for me to say that everyone who has a meaningful, emotional relationship in my daughter's and sons lives is helping to raise them. I wish the associations you mentioned, of abandonment, of shirking responsibility, were not there."

Couldn't agree more!

rhonda-1.gif picture by fouripleys

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 1:48pm
I just wanted to say that I already liked you the minute I read the title of your post, but the combination of that plus the image of you bursting into a room with a lampshade on your head yelling "Guiltathon! WOOHOO!!" has me rolling with laughter! LOL! :-)



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 1:56pm

It carries so much weight because it often is intended to do just that.

"I SAH because I don't want someone else to raise my children" implies (not infers) that "I believe that if you WOH, you are letting someone else raise your children *and* I believe that is lesser."

Are there people for whom that statement is merely a casual use of words that really meant nothing more than 'my expectations of motherhood including me being the primary one to raise my child' - Sure. But it *is* a debate board, so careful choice of words will be enforced if not done the first time. And more often than not, the one dropping the line is readily intending it to be a slam.

All that said, I actually do also feel that daycare is a core part of the team helping to raise my children. And school, now that my oldest is in school. And the Sunday School teachers. And their grandparents. And all the other adults in their lives that I have put some degree of trust in to be contributors to what they are and are not allowed to do, what they are disciplined for and what they are rewarded for, etc.

I actually *get* the idea that a woman may have decided that SAH is what best allows her to realize HOW she wants her children raised. She may get a huge sense of satisfaction of being the first-hand nuturer, and may feel that an immediate family member is the one that she wants doing discipline and boundary setting, especially in the first few years. What I *don't* get is anyone REALLY believing that using othercare automatically implies that the children in question will get *less* than the children who are not. Are there more risks - sure. Any time you increase the number of people or variables involved, you have less control. But, in the end, my primary job IS to raise them to be productive members of society, hopefully with the ethics and values I want to instill that include generosity and an understanding that with privilege and opportunity comes responsibility to society. I want them to be independent, comfortable in the world, and contributing. I think the path of daycare helps me to do that - in both tangible (ability to afford the education and opportunities I want to offer) and intangible (early introduction to diversity and social interaction, opportunities to explore independence in other setting, etc.). Thus I will react every time to a statement that seems to imply my choices mean my children get LESS. My choices may not mean they get MORE, but it isn't less.








iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 2:22pm

<<Are daycare

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 2:28pm

"Further, neither are sah parents single-handedly raising children nor does raising of children occur only during working hours."


ITA

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 2:41pm

I dunno.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 3:00pm

"I mean, we've all BTDTGTTS with that brand-new baby who we just want to eat up with a spoon, but that stage does end."


Not me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 3:04pm
ooh, Well said!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 3:17pm

"What I *don't* get is anyone REALLY believing that using othercare automatically implies that the children in question will get *less* than the children who are not."


Honestly, I think this is exactly how some SAHPs justify not WOH.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 3:48pm

Or they have a child like Joy and Angela instead of one like Erica, Liza, or Alex. They really have no clue at all.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

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