Guiltathon! Woo hoo!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2008
Guiltathon! Woo hoo!
331
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 11:30am

I started lurking on this board when I decided to return to teaching, and already I’ve seen the following scenario played out in excess: Person A says, “I avoid daycare because I want to raise my own children” and Person B responds with, “Are you saying people who work don’t raise their own children?” Cue drama.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 8:35pm

I wonder with your DD if she really took after your parents, or if she took after the person you were then (and probably still are to a certain extent).


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 8:37pm

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I always felt like this -- even when they were little and in dc. Now at 16, 14, 12 and 10 (sd), I can see some of my influence on who they're turning out to be.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 9:03pm

<>


I always felt like this -- even when they were little and in dc. Now at 16, 14, 12 and 10 (sd), I can see some of my influence on who they're turning out to be.


I'm happy to see that you(and hopefully some other at least) understand what I am trying to say LOL.


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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 9:24pm
OMG Kimmie she takes after me!!!
"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion,"

- Jeane "Dear Abby" Phillips, in an interview with Lisa Leff.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 9:48pm

well there has been speculation as to who her *real* mother could be....


hmmmmmm......


and she does have a special soft spot for singing show tunes in the shower...


omigod it's all coming together!


;)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 10:09pm
O.k., so your parents raised you entirely and you are nothing at all like them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 10:21pm

ok...stick with me here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 10:45pm
How could you be like your dad if he worked?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 11:51pm

cute...but he was a shift worker back then(who dodged every shift possible with "back issues" etc)...and I actually remember him around way more than gone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 12:55am

I think that you are reading way too much into your dd's early years. She is who she is, in part, because of genetics. She has your parents' genes so you see your parents in your dd. And you are interpreting her behavior through what you don't like about your parents' lifestyle. You, understandably, want your child to be like you but there is nothing you can do to guarantee that. No more than you can guarantee that your son will be like you by staying home with him instead of working. You are confusing nurture with nature. And most teens are lazy by the world's definition. Their body clock is out of whack with the rest of the world.

To use my girls as examples, there was nothing I could do to enable Joy to be an artist. There was nothing I could do to enable Erica to understand any math beyond the multiplication tables. Other than amputation, there was nothing I could do to stop Angela from drawing with a pencil. And even then, she would have put the pencil in her mouth like Joni Erickson. Dylan will never be an artist but he could grow up to an inspired builder (engineer, designer of toys or clothing, etc). Now, I certainly agree that dh and I encouraged each of their talents and interests. But those talents and interests were there first.

What you are calling a "moral/social compass" isn't set until the mid-20's. Before the teen years, you are teaching your child how to live in the world/culture/society that they will inhabit as adults. During the teen years, your child will take that teaching and, by trial and a lot of error, start to see just how that teaching fits them and what they observe of the world outside of their family. That process continues into the college years when they are on their own without the safety net of parents. The choices that they make in their mid-20's will be their choices and not necessarily the choices you want them to make. Otherwise, only gay parents would have gay children.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

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