Guiltathon! Woo hoo!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2008
Guiltathon! Woo hoo!
331
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 11:30am

I started lurking on this board when I decided to return to teaching, and already I’ve seen the following scenario played out in excess: Person A says, “I avoid daycare because I want to raise my own children” and Person B responds with, “Are you saying people who work don’t raise their own children?” Cue drama.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 1:05am

Try this: if we were an orthodox Jewish family, I wouldn't sent my child to a non-kosher dc. If non-corporal discipline was very important to me, I wouldn't send my child to a dc that believed in spanking. In other words, I would pick other care that agreed with what I wanted for my child. If physical activity is important to me, my child wouldn't go to a dc that plopped the kids down in front of the TV all day long. I wouldn't let Dylan play in the home of a friend whose parents smoked in their house. That child could come and play at our house instead. I don't want Dylan exposed to second-hand smoke. Same would go if I knew that family had a gun in the house.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 5:11am

"helping to raise" my child does not equal "raising my child". IOW, while many people have had a hand in HELPING me and my ex raise our child, only my ex and I are entitled to take the claim for actually having done so.

The difference here is in the level of responsibility and accountability. When my kid pulls a boner in public, people don't think, "Geez did his daycare workers raise him in a barn? He must have had really lousy elementary school and Sunday School teachers." No. If there's blame to be laid, it's going to fall at the feet of my ex and I.

Hence, we are the ones raising our child. Regardless of who helped.

Helping to raise does not equal "raising" so 'helping to raise' doesn't signify.

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Kitty

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Kitty

"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 5:15am
::::gasp:::: surely not! You've witnessed the horror of people debating the board topic?!? You poor, poor dear.

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Kitty

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Kitty

"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 5:20am

LOL, whereas I *have* been told I'm not really a WOHM, but can claim SAHM status simply because I WOH on 3rd shift and am home all day.

The whole who is a WOHM/who is a SAHM argument is often quite stupid.

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Kitty

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Kitty

"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 7:40am

I guess I should have read more carefully as I did not pick up that you had a teenage dd.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 9:18am
It is because of the way the word is used. The crowd that argues for SAH because they do not want "strangers raising their children" will also insinuate that WOHPs have abandoned their responsibility as parents because the kids go to daycare. The WOHPs OTOH use the word "raise" in the sense of the ultimate buck-stops-here responsibility for the kids. If the kid turns out to be a bank robber, the WOHP is not going to blame the daycare provider he had when he was 4.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 9:34am
I agree with this. BTW, I am much more like my maternal grandparents than like my parents and I rarely spent any time with my grandparents. Some of it is genes, and some of it is a conscious search for role models when the ones closest at hand won't do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 9:43am

I guess I see the things you want your child to learn - not to hit or bite, other social skills - as pretty universal on parents' wish lists. One way to mold your child is to model those skills personally, but they are not so intricate and specific to your morals and values that no one else could do the same.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 10:42am

I think the reason for that the difference is basic social graces that occur when people are face to face making those types of comments versus specifically posting them to a debate board.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 10:50am

Good post, ITA.

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