Guilt...need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Guilt...need advice
20
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 10:45am

I was a 10 month teacher and resigned to take a 12 month position that would include almost a double in salary, good benefits, and a job that I would enjoy. However, since being off with my 2 year old this summer, I have been contemplating staying at home. I don't know what to do. I have odd and end things that I could do to make ends meet and be an active part of my son's life. I am having a hard time turning down my dream job.

To add to the problem, I am still in school where I have to travel one night a week to class in addition to this change.

Any advice?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 10:58am
I've always worked either FT or close to it, and I haven't had any kind of problem being an active part of my kids' lives; neither has their dad. When you say "guilt", what exactly do you mean?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 11:05am

List all the pros and cons, including the intangibles, make the decision that feels right to you and stop feeling misplaced, unnecessary and unwarrented guilt. If you take your dream job (and I do strongly urge you to do so; as a mother who does have her dream jobs--yes, I have 2--it does make all the difference if you love what you do, even if it can be majorly stressful at times), you will still be active in your son's life. Remember a job, even a dream one, doesn't take up the vast majority of your life. There is always more hours in the week spent away from work (unless, of course, you work at home, :) than work plus commute combined. And your son will grow up thinking that his life is "normal". At least, he will think that until he starts school. And then, he'll think that everyone else's life is weird/odd and his is still the norm.

Now for some personal experience: Last fall, I balanced working 2 jobs (one full time, one part time) and taking a pattern making class. My schedule then: Mon/Wed, sew from 9-1 at home, take dh back to work, class from 2-5, pick up dh at work, pick up ds (he's 9) from afterschool care, home/dinner/evening stuff, sew from 8-10/11 at home. Tues/Thurs/Fri, sew from 8-9, work at the bridal shop 10-5, pick up ds, home/etc, sew from 8-10/11. On Mon/Wed, I had the car; on Tues/Thurs/Fri, I took the bus and dh had the car. Dh works a split schedule; 7-10, 2-6/whenever.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 11:06am
If I take the job I will be working 8-5, working on my doctorate, and teaching parttime several classes. We don't have to have the money from the job; it's just a good career move for me. My guilt is because we live simple lives and can live off my parttime teaching and dh salary....I feel like I am putting a price tag on time with my child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 11:15am

Wow, I have a 20 min commute, but the day care is right down the road so my baby will be with me during that drive. I will spend every lunch break working on grading papers for my part time stuff....

My schedule will be
Monday 8-5, work about 3 hours at night
Tuesday 8-4, class 4-10 catch up on grading
Wednesday 8-5, grading 3 hours
Thursday 8-5, grading 7-10
Friday 8-5 grading 3 hours
Sat/Sun NOTHING

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 11:35am

I'm sure you meant to write a clear answer to my question about guilt, but I'm afraid I still don't understand. I especially don't get what you mean by "putting a price tag on time with my child". In today's world, time really is money, so we always have to figure out how to achieve the balance we crave.

Your decision will come down to whether it's more important to you to spend those 40 to 50 hours per week with him, or filling your other roles. And *that* decision will depend in part on whether you think it'll make any difference to *his* well-being. And you'll have to answer these questions the whole time he's growing up. FWIW, most parents these days don't seem to find much guilt in being away from their kids, at any age. Maybe that's why I personally don't get what you mean by guilt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 11:47am

FWIW, I'm a 17 year veteran teacher. Throughout my children's early years (until my son turned 5), I spent at least one night per week at night school to earn my master's degree. I have three kids and have always been actively involved with them.

carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 12:57pm

I work about the same schedule now, just without the class. My commute is about 40-45 minutes if I take the bus (includes walking to the bus stop, waiting for the bus, and walk to work); it's about 10-15 minutes by car. Dylan's school is also on the bus route so I just get off the bus at the school and we walk home from the school (a matter of about 10-15 minutes--a 1/2 mile walk). Dh's work is on the way to the community college so I never had to backtrack on any one-way commute. What I do have by working at home, is more flexability. I can take off work at will (taking into consideration due dates, of course) but then I usually end up working on Sunday to make up for the lost time.

I find that now that Dylan is 9, I'm taking more time off than when he was younger. Now, there are trips to museums, reenactment events, etc., that take more time and driving than just stopping to take him to the park for lunch or just to play with him when he was 3-4. As in everything in life, it's all about balance. And that's where my family comes in. Dh and our children (we actually have 4--our 3 girls are adults. After next month, Dylan will be the only child still at home) keep me balanced between work and the rest of my life. Church also helps.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 1:07pm
So you work from home? This is where my dilemma lies. I can make about 1/2 the salary at home or I can take that other job and do both and make 3 times what I make....but without the flexibility.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 3:58pm
How long will you be in school?
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 5:46pm

Well I went back to work full time when my twins were 14 months old. They have their 4th bday party this weekend. And I consider myself to have been and to be an "active part" of their lives.
I'm due with baby #3 in November. I'll likely take a chunk of time off again, then go back to work less than full time but we'll see how that feels for all of us.
I wouldnt turn down a "dream job" if you think you can handle it and school. that said, my DH is a SAHD and a wonderful one at that! I wouldnt have gone back to work full time if he were not. It just wouldnt have made sense for us as a family.
So everyone and every situation is different.

MM

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