Is is "hard" being a sahm?
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Is is "hard" being a sahm?
| Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:25pm |
For many years now, I have heard the claim that being a sahm is the hardest job in the world. I never chimed in, because I didn't know first hand. I stayed home for 6 weeks when my twin daughters, Sophia and Stephanie (almost 4) were born. And that was hard, because I had 2 newborns. Now, almost 4 years later, I have resigned my job and am staying home again. I can god-honestly say that I don't know what's so hard about this. I personally feel like I am on easy street, but maybe that's because I haven't been at it that long. I feel like I am on vacation. It takes no longer than a couple hours a day to do the housework, and the rest of the time is free time for me and the girls. We have gone to the park, the zoo, chuck e cheeses, and I know not every day is going to be like this, but I feel like I am making up for lost time. My children seem happy and relaxed. The only hard thing about this is that they have gotten into some pretty raging fights with each other, but the fights have ended with quick intervention. I guess I am just wondering how long before this becomes "The hardest job in the world" and I start looking like a zombie, complaining that my husband doesn't help me, and so on? Or do I seriously have the choice not to turn into that? Also, do you think that at the rate I am going, I am at risk for getting bored staying home?

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Why do we have no "sigh" icon?
People are "in passive agressive mode". People have a passive agressive personality.
I was married to the King of Passive Agressiveness. I'm what's known as an Agressive Agressive personality. It wasn't pretty, and we didn't start communicating until I wised up and changed the way I approached him. Ironically, it took a divorce for me to figure it out.
Trying to blame the wife in this scenario for failing to accomodate the husbands short commings properly is ludicrous. I think desire to do so is a sign of an out of control control fettish actually.
How is showing a little common courtesy and respect making something your "purpose in life"? That's just Drama Queen theatrics.
What are you babbling about? I should go do what?
I'm saying there are always alternatives. You seem to be able to figure out how to get stuff done. I just find it hard to believe this one has you stumped.
It's just
And once again, your post has nothing to do with what I said.
For your children's sake, please get conseling to learn how to communicate with your dh. Because frankly communication is a HUGE issue.
"Hello. You just handed me a book explaining how I need to continue to provide you the same emotional support that your Mommy did. Wake up. I'm not your Mommy. I don't want to be your Mommy. I don't intend to be your Mommy. If you need a Mommy get the h*ll out of my life. I have TWO children and a FULLTIME job and I make MORE money than you and I'm going to school to IMPROVE all our LIVES. If thats not enough for you, you are a pretty pathetic example of an adult. I absolutely refuse to live MY life according to your metric of what causes YOU least work is BEST. REFUSE. I have limits, and that is one of them. NOT going to DO it. NOT for this marriage. Not for anything. If your only solution to a PROBLEM is DO NOTHING then I'M not doing it YOUR way EVER, I'm doing it MY WAY, ALWAYS. You want YOUR WAY? Spend half a second coming up with an alternate SOLUTION. If not FINE. You now have a choice because I have finally, totally and completely HAD it. I can't come up with ONE SINGLE REASON why or how this marriage is a benefit to anyone, the way things work now. You had IT ALL. You had your chance to DO NOTHING AND REMAIN married to me. WHILE I DID IT ALL. NOW since, like a spoiled TODDLER you seem incapable of realizing WHAT YOU HAD...you are about to losse it. Because WHAT YOU HAD is no longer an option. NOT AN OPTION. Your new options are 1)GROW THE H*LL UP. I want you involved participating and helping and doing it WILLINGLY. I want to hear YOU thanking ME daily for the effort I put in thinking about situations, coming up with solutions and enacting them all while making MORE money than YOU. I want to be convinced that you are eternally gratefull and more than thankfull to me for doing all the thinking and arranging and managaging so that ALL YOU HAVE LEFT TO DEAL WITH IS A TASK LIST. I want to be completely convinced that you have FINALLY, at this LATE DATE, realized that what you DO around her is NOT *HELPING THE WIFE*. YOU CONTRIBUTE BECAUSE YOU ARE AN ADULT AND THERE IS NOOONE HERE REPSONSIBLE FOR TAKING CARE OF YOUR SHARE OF LIFE DUTIES OTHER THAN YOU. NO MOMMY. YOU ARE NOT A TODDLER WHO NEEDS PRAISE TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH FOR EVERY BLOTCH OF PAINT ON PAPER PRESENTED PROUDLY. ITS NOT THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS. ITS THE RESULT THAT COUNTS. THIS IS REAL ADULT LIFE. GROW UP AND GET GOING. 2)Its going to be much much MUCH easier for me to calmly proceed DOING IT ALL if I don't have to watch you DOING practically nothing and acting like any task you manage to do is some great favour to me. Day in and day out. I can accept it in the kids for now. I can't accept in a husband. Give me my divorce because I can't think of a single thing this marriage is bringing to either myself, or the children. If they are going to grow up watching me DO IT ALL, they will watch me DO IT ALL because there is NO OTHER ADULT AROUND TO HELP. They WILL NOT grow up watching me DO IT ALL while some adult male wimpers about MOMMY NOT PRAISING HIS LATEST FINGER PAINTING. Thats it. ITS OVER. The book (toss it) is not HAPPENING.".
The arguement about piano lesson or whatever would have gone (too late now ) like this
"Fine. You don't want piano lessons for this child. You know what, I'm NOT accepting NOTHING as the solution. I'm NOT. You are going to HAVE to meet me half way here. If you don't like piano, come up with another idea based on something other than mimimization of effort to YOU. If you can't - its piano and you'll just have to support and help with the logistics of that. I'm sorry but you just have to be providing MORE to this family than laundry and money without you whining about being hard done by. If thats all you can manage - take the laundry and the whining elsewhere and send money".
There are really only two possibilities here. Your husband really is that immature, for whatever reason, that he needs a mommy figure present in order to be able to hold it together and function at all. In that case, you've suffered enough - you can't fix people who are that badly off. He'll probably never get to the point where he can fucntion in a family in anything other than a child's role. You can't be expected to raise actual children and remain mentally healthy yourself, while dealing with that. Or, he's just really that clued out as in its just never occured to him that effort expenditure on someone else - is part of being an adult, and the price one pays for having a family, not some curse of his particular life. A good kick in the pants could fix that.
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